


Never leave me.

by RiahXIII



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Daddy Saeran, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Okay so this is basically Saeran being nice/harsh/badass/cute, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Smut, okay this is so hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2018-08-27 05:43:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 29,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8389441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiahXIII/pseuds/RiahXIII
Summary: "Gaaaaaaah, so tired. I need some distraction" Swiftly his green-mint eyes set on yours, sparkling mischievously. "Oh. I've found something"You giggle, approaching him. "Am I something?""Yup, Miss, you're my assistant. Until I tell you the opposite, you are mine."WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT. SERIES OF ONESHOTS FOLLOWING THE BAD END WHEN YOU BECOME SAERAN'S ASSISTANT





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yasssssssssss that's actually the result of being a little drunk lol  
> that's my first lemon, so I don't know if I did okay, but I least I tried. It follows the first bad ending when you become Saeran's assistant.  
> Please, note that, even so I'm pretty fluent on english, I'm not at the same level as a native (I'm spanish)  
> Enjoy it~  
> PS: I'm working on another Saeran x original character fanfic, "A better path". It's something more tender and sweet and SAERAN DESERVES BETTER SO I'M WRITING HIM A HAPPY ENDING. Please, if you ike this oneshot, make sure of checking my other work link here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8268287/chapters/18942656

"Okay."

Even when the  _meds_  have erased or transformed most of your memories, this one still remains clear. You remember him smirking as you accepted to be his assistant, his chest slightly shaking as he chuckled. Not that you cared, anyways. You were lost, wandering as the days passed by, no light nor shadows dancing in your life. Just the whiteness of the nothing. Were his eyes, sparkling filled with anticipation, what made you decide?

You look at him now, staring at the computer screen with a frown on his face. His tightened lips open sometimes to unconsciously mutter some of the words he reads while hacking, the changing light of the screen lighting up his pale white skin making it look like colored. Those lips... something inside you stirs as you recall your very first kiss; passionate, violent, desperate. He held onto you as if you were the oxygen he needed to live. You are forced to wake up of your fantasies when the boy lets out a moan a frustration, pushing himself away from the table and stretching his arms.

"Gaaaaaaah, so tired. I need some distraction" Swiftly his green-mint eyes set on yours, sparkling mischievously. "Oh. I've found something"

You giggle, approaching him. "Am I something?"

"Yup, Miss, you're my assistant. Until I tell you the opposite, you are  _mine._ " Saeran lowers his voice, turning it into some kind of throaty sound. "Are you ready for a little bit of fun?"

You have no time to answer as he fiercely presses his lips against yours and opens a way to your mouth, his tongue moving with yours in a frenetic dance, your now hectic breathes combined harmoniously.  After some minutes, he pushes you towards the table, rising you so now you're at the same level. That's good, because this way you can kiss and bit his neck, making him to groan of pleasure, a shiver going over his back, his head pulled back. "Good girl" he whispers, and his hands reach your chin, making you to look at him. "But it's your turn now".

Saeran literally rips off your shirt (his is already on the ground) and you gasp in surprise. Wow, he has never gone that far. He usually stops himself before  _this_. You giggle, happy with the progress, and let him play with your skin as he slowly goes over it. You let out a small shriek as he bites and lick repeatedly, paying special attention at your collar bones, his hands grasping your wrists so you can’t move. You complain.

“Let go of me! That’s not fair”

“Sht~ Don’t be rude. I’m going to treat you well”

You don’t give a shit about his manners. Saeran’s in a good mode today; it rarely happens, so you want to make the most of it and have fun. But as your lover goes down your belly, you start to focus more and more on what he’s doing. “Wa-Wait” You ask, failing at suppressing a shiver. He looks up, arching an eyebrow, bewildered. “huh? I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“Yes! I do.” You reply, trying to restrain yourself. With him it’s… complicated. Although he is _everything_ _but_ _innocent_ (you know he spends some nights out playing twisted sexual games for fun with other in Magenta) he had never take you. Every time he’s about to cross the line he drew, he loses it, changing his mind and yelling at you for wanting him, ordering you to stay away and never talk to him again. Then he usually starts crying, muttering that he doesn’t want to hurt you. If he loses control, if he plays with you as he does with others, you might be hurt. You think that’s non-sense (no way he’s going to harm you), but the only thing you can do once he goes unstable is to sit a bit away from him and silently support him. “Then shut up”. His voice is now a grunt.

The white-haired boy gently takes your pants off and you shake in excitement. “Humph… seems like my fingers are playful today” Oh god. You can’t help but moaning as he begins to touch your sensible thing, the other hand tangled with your hair as he pulls your head to kiss you. He’s violent, but the slight feeling of pain can’t be compared with the pleasure your starting to feel now that his rubbing your zone with more emphasis.

“Saera-ah” You whisper his name when you feel like you’re going to cum, but let out a moan of frustration as you notice he stopped. You glare at him, frustrated, but all he does is smirk, his naughty eyes shining fiercely. ”Oh, you thought rubbing is all those little nasty things could do?” What? You don’t need to ask because you suddenly feel a couple of fingers inside of you. You instinctively tight around them, making it to hurt a little more when he starts moving. You pant out of your mind, but you suddenly feel guilty; he’s doing all the work. So, when he takes them out for a moment, you quickly reach his pants, pulling them down along with his boxers, freeing his tightened member. You’ve never seen him like this and you can’t help but be surprised; damn it, his thing is big. “Hey, I’m not done with you!”  He complains. You giggle. “Time for me to play, Saeran~”.

 

Holding his hard member with your left hand, you begin to gently stroke it, making him to protest. “Ah… don’t make me suffer like this”

You laugh, moving your hand faster. “What about it, sir?”

But you can tell he’s not comfortable. He always needs to be on total control of the situation, and today’s not an exception. Moaning, he grabs you and makes you to lay down on the floor, he on the top “No, I like it better” he replies at your previous question, making you to cringe, a little flustered by what’s happening. But you’re ready, and when his suddenly anxious face asks you if it’s okay, you answer with a passionate kiss. And that’s when he loses it. There’s no going back.

Your two bodies collides, every part of you matching perfectly as if you were created for this moment. You feel the press of his hard dick, but he’s not inside you; not yet. He’s currently biting you strong, living marks all around your body and roughly playing with your breasts with his thin hands. He is brutal, and a minor part of your conscience recognizes why he was afraid of hurting you. And being your first time, you should be-“aaaaaaah“. You can’t focus on your thoughts as he starts pushing strongly, wildly breathing and moaning. You squeeze your eyes shut with a little shriek; it hurts. But he stops for a moment, his member tightened inside of you, and whispers, out of breath. “Put your hands on my back, and scratch when it hurts.” He’s being serious and you know he’s going to be upset if you reject, so you squeeze him. Next time it’s instinctive; as he moves even more deep on you, your nails pound on him, making him to groan even more of pleasure, and you arch your back, because now that the pain is starting to diffuse the only thing you can think of is to _completely_ feel him. “Ahhhhh, good girl. Boss is going to reward you.”

As the time passes and the intensity increases you feel a growing warm sensation arising from your insides, making you to cringe and shriek in pleasure. Saeran is sweating, his thin body starting to tremble. “Saeran, I-I’m going to-“ “Yeah, I know.”

And then it happens. Your body tautens and relax in a row as he pushes for the last time, both of you moaning, both faces reflecting the most absolute pleasure. You cum at the same time as him; his body is shaking uncontrollably, and you feel like if your legs had been replaced by jelly. He gasps, biting your lips one more time after leaning back on his side, panting.

“Are you happy, little dorky?”

You are still trying to catch your breath, so you just roll your eyes, nodding. But you notice something as you focus on his face; he is starting to tear up. “Sa-Saeran? It’s something wrong? Are you hurt?” You wipe out his tears, softly stroking his cheek. The boy shakes his head but, after a few seconds, he buries his head on your chest, sobbing. “Don’t leave me alone. Please, promise me. Don’t abandon me. Don’t, don’t!”

You put on a tender smile, you hand rubbing his messy hair, tears streaming down your face.

“Never”.


	2. Pounding heart of mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some angst/a a bit fluff words.  
> It follows the other one shot but it's placed a few months later, Saeran and reader being at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the lemon one shot was going to be LITERALLY that, a one shot without any kind of continuation but oh boiiiiiii it seems like I can't help but writing. This chapter is mostly angst. It's not too long but I'm currently writing my other Saeran x original character fanfic so I have no much time left.  
> Leave a comment or something if you enjoy it, I'll be happy <3

“So, did you accept to go with him?”

You nod mechanically. The therapist shakes his head, writing some notes after looking back at you.

“You’re unbelievable. What can I say? Your organism is almost clean as you managed to skip the drugs for a whole month avoiding a huge part of the withdrawal symptoms, and even though I’m sure you suffered from several depressions in the past, you seem to be okay now. There’s no reason for you to be here, so when they finish with the treatment, you’re free to leave.” The middle age man arches his eyebrows. “But, again, how did you…? How were you able to stop taking the drugs after three months of huge doses?”

“I had an objective. Someone to help… I needed to be completely on my senses.”  Once you learned about the plan to destroy the RFA, you traced one of your own; to take Saeran out of Magenta. Even though Magenta was meant to be some kind of paradise, the boy was not happy there; he was constantly fighting against his demons, making him to grow unstable and mad. The doctor blinks in recognition. “That someone… you mean the boy next door.”

You nod again and your stomach stirs at the thought of the last few days. You’re both at the hospital and you haven’t seen him yet, but you do hear him screaming horrible things, even hysterically crying sometimes. You swallow and shake your head trying to move away the memories.

“Can I… Can I see him, doctor?” He looks at you, breathing deeply. “He’s dangerous. He’s not stable yet.” His reply makes your heart shrink a bit.

“I KNOW!” You can’t help but yelling. “I know, but please, he needs to see me. I… I can help him. I need it too! Please, let me help.”

He stares at you for over a minute or so, and finally sights. “Okay, you can go. But don’t overwhelm him.”

 

 

 

Saeyoung, whose face is frowned as he looks at his mobile phone, raises his head at the sight of you. You awkwardly wave a hand. He looks a lot like Saeran even with their hairs and eyes being different, and the anxious expression he’s doing now is exactly the same you used to see on Saeran’s face.

“Are you, uh, the girl that Saeran kidnapped?” He says, unable to look at your eyes. You sight.

“I was not kidnapped. I know he was going to take me anyways, but I accepted to go with him.” He looks at you, eyes wide open, and bubbles. “But, he said…”

“I know what he said… But he’s just mad at me for helping you taking him out of there”. You smile, trying not to look as nervous as you actually are.

He now blinks in surprise. “Oh, so it was you…” He then grins back at you, a little less tense. “Then, I should introduce myself. Hello, I’m Saeyoung, Saeran’s twin. And I’m not the heartless traitor he swears I am.” Even the situation, you can’t help but giggle at the comment.

“Hello, I’m (y/n). And I’m not the whore he says I am.” You then look at the closed door behind  Saeyoung, and swallowing, you ask: “Is he sleeping?”

“No… he just woke up.” You nod and raise your hand towards the door knob, but he grabs your wrist.

“(Y/N)… he’s still unstable. I would like for you to… wait a little more. I don’t know what kind of relationship you both have, but I don’t think-“

“Yeah, you know nothing” you interrupt him, letting go of his grab and growing impatient. What was wrong with everybody? The red-haired boy gives up as you glance at him and moves away, allowing you to enter.

Saeran is blankly staring at the window, wrapped in a bunch of blankets (he’s always cold due to his underweight). The faces he makes when he notices your entrance (surprise, anxiety, sadness, anger) hits you hard and you’re only one step away from running away. But even so, you slowly approach him, wearing the best fake smile you can.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He says, his knuckles becoming white as he strongly squeezes his fists.

“I wanted to see you.” He snorts at your answer, violently looking away with his face contracted, and grumbles. “Guess who don’t want to see your stupid eyes pretending to be innocent. I hate you! I wish I could kill you right now, you slut!

“Saeran, I’m not pretending to be anything. I’m sorry for keeping it a secret.” You bite your lips, everything inside of you collapsing as you see him trying to hold the tears that are starting to appear on his eyes.   ”But-“

“You are just the same as my brother. Y-You were mine, you were mine! But you betrayed me, and I trusted you but you fucking pretended everything and screwed it up! YOU FUCKING LEFT ME, SO DON'T YOU DARE COMING AGAIN!"

“SHUT UP!” Your hands are trembling, and you can feel a bunch of tears streaming down your face. He opens his eyes wide with panic at his face; he has never seen your cry. Even in the worst situations, when he yelled and even hurt you, you would never cry in front of him. You squeeze your eyes shut before talking again, your voice broken by the pain. “You think it was easy? Stopping with the meds? Taking you out? Pretending I was still part of Magenta? IT WAS AWFUL! And I-I did it for you. For you! Because you saved me once. Because I wanted to save you too. Because I-I love you, you ungrateful little trash!”

He’s crying now, sobbing uncontrollably, unable to look at your burning eyes. You raise your hand reaching for his face, but he stops you. “Don’t. Don’t touch me. Stop it.”

“Look at me! Saeran, look at me. Tell me that I’m not sincere. Look into my eyes! You know that I’m saying the truth, you know it! Damn it, you know everything about me!”.

“I SAID STOP IT!” His voice is breaking and it sounds as thousands of glasses cracking. “Don’t do that to me! Why is my heart pounding like this? Why I want to rely on you even though I want to believe you’re a traitor? Why do you feel like home even when I don’t have one? Why? Why?!?”

You can’t stay still anymore; you hug him, and after a brief hesitation, he stops to resist, hugging you back and pounding his nails into your back, still repeating “why”, you both crying your heart out. You break the silence.

“I promised you I’ll never let you go. I’ll help you finding all the answers to your questions. I’ll lend you all the time you need. And I’ll stand by your side whatever happens, stupid boss of mine.”

He is now trembling in your arms, his voice being a whisper as he holds you even tighter. “Always?”

“Always.” You reply.


	3. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran wakes up from a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short short shoooort chapter but today I really had not time at all. Sorry! Hope you like it!  
> I decided to change a little bit the original story; Saeyoung is not taking Saeran out of the hospital, and he is following treatment. Next chapter he'll be out of the hospital yasssss  
> Also, a lot of angst/fluff again. I swear, next chapter will be fun or lemon or something like that.

You stretch your arms, your muscles all numb due to the discomfort of sleeping in a chair for hours. Even thought all lights are off, the gleam of the moon is more than enough to look at Saeran, who stirs on the hospital bed with his face contrated, still asleep, his lips swiflty moving as he mumbles. Today was a bad day; altough  he agreed with receiving treatement a few days ago, his head is still filled with bad thoughts that make him grow angry, depressive and anxious. So you decided to stay, knowing from your times in Magenta how bad nights were for him. Quietly, you place a hand on his sweaty  forehead, pushing aside a lock of his dyed hair. Fuck, wrong idea. He jumps at your touch, sitting up, and his mutters become a scream.

"I'LL BE A GOOD BOY, MOMMY, PLEASE!" Tears stream down his face, and he sobbs unccontrollably. Oh, shit. You quickly place both your hands on his shoulders, shaking him. "Saeran, wake up. It's me, (y/n)" You try to keep yourself together, speaking with the softests voice you can. 

"(y/n)?" He finally looks at you, his jaw tightened and all his body shaking under your hands. His eyes are two dark holes of despair. "Focus on your breathing. In and out." You rub his hair, holding the tears that are starting to appear on your own eyes. "Shhht, it's everything okay now, sweetie. It's everything okay". He nods, allowing you to hug him and eventually holding you back, his prior tense muscles relaxing as the minutes go by. 

"It was her again. Mommy was tying me up. I was screaming, but I was alone. Nobody came" His hands tighten on your back as he finally finds his voice, still broken, but his breath is back to normal. It's not the first time you witness an episode like this, but every single one is as terrible as the previous. "Yes, but you're here, and I happen to be here too. That's not exactly _being alone._ "You try to joke, but your voice is now sort of high-pitched too. He removes and you quickly let go of him; he's definitely not good with close contact yet, even if it was with you. Back on Magenta, sex was fine with him but,  aside from some rare ocasions (usually when he had a breakdown), other physical  contact was not part of your everyday. He glances at you before looking down, bitting his bottom lip, and shyly plays with his tumbs.

"(y/n)... What keeps you here? I'm already a lost bullet. The trust, the hope... all it's gone. Look at me. All it's gone." You roll your eyes, half of you wanting to yell at him, the other half feeling bad for him.

"Listening at such dumb things was not part of the job description". Saeran pouts at your comment, crossing his arms. "I didn't even brought you a contract. Liar."

"Then you're such a bad boss."

He snorts, knitting his brows, but he fails at suppresing a fleeting smile. You look at the hour; it's just 3 a.m. "Hm, Saeran, do you think you can sleep a little more?" You are dying to rest.

The boy shivers at the thought of the nightmare. "I-I don't know." He stops for a moment, and then looks at you with pleading eyes. "Can you read for me?"

"What?" You arch one eyebrow. Reading for him? That's new. But you can't help but laughing at the sight of him all flustered, blushing and nervously looking away.

"It's okay if you don't want to!" He lowers his voice until it's just a mere whisper. "But your damned voice relaxes me". 

Your heart jumps and you tenderly smile, shaking your head. What a jerk he is. You reach for the book on the night stand (a book of tales his brother brought him) and open it. When you're about to start, he clears his troath. You look at him, expectant. 

" (Y/N))... You make my heart a better place."

 


	4. Moving out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran moves out at Saeyoung's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey there! Yasss, another chapter~  
> I'm not really happy with this one here, but I promised myself to upload today. And I don't think it's that bad, but I tried to make something less painful or angst and I'm not used to it hahahahaha  
> Hope you enjoy it ~

“Here it is! The house were we’ll live happily ever after~”

Saeran lets out a groan of frustration at Saeyoungs excitement. You giggle and look at Hye, Saeyoung’s fiancée, who’s trying to calm the boy down before he starts jumping or, even worse, _singing_.

“Does it even have a window?” grumbles the not-so excited twin, his mint-eyes scrutinizing the insides of his brother apartment with a curious spark (even though he is trying to look like he don’t care). You grab his arm with a laugh, making him to fluster. “We’ll find out if we look into it”

The inside is... comfortable. Despite the basement-like appearence, it’s all arranged in a way that you can’t help but feeling nostalgic of your own home. Some sort of toys are scattered all arround the place, and here and there you can see papers and other stuff left nonchalantly. Saeyoung starts talking again about all the things that can be done at his place, and happily shows him his room.

“Woa” You exclaim, staring at the big window placed next to the bed. “That’s a great view”.

“Yes” replies Hye, a big grin on his face. “We know Saeran likes to see the sky, so we built this window hopping he feels good here.”

“Hey, don’t talk like if I’m not here, dumbs!” Saeran snorts, rolling eyes. “The window’s great, but you better prepare if this room’s not warm.” This boy.... you sight. You can tell by the gleam on his eyes that he’s excited, but he won’t say thanks. Not in a milions years.

“Saeran, you’ll never know how much happy I am.” Saeyoung is all smiles right now. Hye touches his arm and shyly adds “We both are”.

“Happy seconded!” You grin, making him to fluster even more as he lets out a disgusted moan. “I know how happy you are since you won’t stop telling me. Just get lostl! I won’t feel comfortable with you all chattering arround, jeez...” He lets his eyelids droop, frowning, and Saeyoung swiflty mutters a sorry, sweeping Hye along. “Don’t worry, brother! We’ll go to the convenience store. (Y/N), you coming?”

“Sure!” You reply, knowing how much of a need is for Saeran to spent some time alone. But as you start walking, someone grabs your wrist, and you turn arround to bump into Saeran’s glare of irritation. “If you go, who the hell is going to help me with all the things?” He points with his head at the boxes outside the door, and for a minute or so, you two look at each other, his eyebrows wrinkled, yours enarched. The entrance door closes and you hiss, secretly happy that he wants you to stay.

“Fine, jerky boss. Let’s see what you brought here”. He sights, visibly relieved, and you both start opening the boxes. There’s not much to place; just a few books and his computer set.

“You know... you could’ve just said that you wanted me to stay.” You say, stroking the cover of the book you bought him. He looks away, moaning, but after a moment, he ads: “You know I’m not good with words.”

Damn it. Your insides stirs as you look at him. It wasn’t your intention to make him sad, but he’s now biting his bottom lip, as if he is holding something back. “Saeran, is something the matter?” You ask, reaching for his hand. He squeeze yours, leaning back his head. “You know... I’ve never asked you about your past”. Your heart shrinks more and more because you know it’s true. Is he feeling... sorry? Yes, he is. You want to say something, but he stops you, shaking his head. “I’ve... I’ve never asked you if you had a home to return, if you had someone missing you. If you were missing someone.” He let’s out a bitter laugh, his voice breaking. “Were you sad? Oh god... I was so selfish”

“Saeran, enough.” You say, your hands shaking. You deeply breathe. “Yes, it was bad of you to take me. But you were under Magenta’s control! And I decided to go with you. I don’t have parents anyways. They both died a few years ago.” You sight. It’s not time for feeling sorry for yourself. You lean on Saeran, who opens his eyes wide. “Wha-“ He can’t finish his sentence because his lips are busy embracing your kiss. Your hands placed on the back of his head, you stop for a moment, your noses close by. “It’s been a long time” He can’t help but grining, rubbing your cheek and arching an eyebrow, playufully.“What do you want? Say it clear.” You fake pout, internally jumping at his change of mood (it’s the first time you see him honestly smiling out of drugs), sitting on him. “let me show you instead”.

It feels like burning. With the whole hospital thing, you had no time for sex, nor even to properly make out. But with him slowly kissing every inch of your neck, his hands squeezing your back with desire, you realize how much you needed it. You place your hand on his abdomen, pulling out his shirt and stroking his bare chest. You lean to kiss it, making him to moan. “(Y/N), I want you”.

“I know” You say, feeling the hot. You push him onto the bed, your eyes focuzed on each other like they have never been before. “You’ve never looked into my eyes like this.” You say, giving him a small peck.

“Stop stating obvious things, stupid girl of mine” he says, his two green lights staring and shinning at you. “That's because I don't want to just fuck you. I want something more."

You tilt your head, amused. “Are you trying to say that you love me?” He blushes instantly, flustered, and mutters, suddenly trying to avoid your eyes“I-I’m not-"

He can’t finish the sentence because the entrance door opens, making you both to jump.

“WE’RE HOME~”

Saeran moans in frustation and you sight, annoyed. “What the fuck...?” grumbles your former boss, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Not today, Satan.” You mutter, standing up and brushing your clothes. He sits up, rubbing his hair, and sighs.

Saeyoung and Hye make their appearence, the boy carrying a bag full of sweets and candys. “Saeran, we bought you a welcome present!”

“Hope we’re not interrumpting anything” says Hye, noticing the slight blush on your faces and Saeran's shirtless chest.

“Not at all” Your boy ironically mumbles , looking away, and you laugh for all response. Saeyoung seems very confused.

“were you two, uh, you know-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY YOU IDIOT” Yells Saeran, all flustered. He’s so cute when he’s like this, so you burst into laughs, being followed by the other red haired boy and his fianceé.

“It’s not even funny” Complains the grumpy-yet-adorable boy.

“It’s not funny, but you are.” You say, making him to snort, but he suddenly focuses on you again. “You told me your returning to your old apartment, right?”

“You can stay here if you want, you know” Says Saeyoung, worried. You smile at him. Hye is very lucky; he’s one of the most caring people you’ve met so far. But you shake your head, earning a glare from Saeran. “Thank you, but I’d like to go there. I’ve spent a long time trying to keep my past aside, but I need to face it.”

“That’s bullshit” Says the white-haired boy, crossing arms. You roll your eyes, leaning over and whispering on his ear.

“My apartment is empty at all times, for your interest”.

“Gah? Saeran, why are you blushing?”

“I’M NOT BLUSHING, SAEYOUNG!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter was so so so so damn difficult for me to write. I wanted it to be angst, so I've put a lot of effort trying to make it sad, beacause I want people to feel the pain when reading hahahah. That's the reason it took so long, even though the chapter is too short. Anyway, I hope you like it and please by the grace of cat god ENJOY IT.  
> Ps: I'm thinking of writing a Saeran P.O.V  
> Ps2: leave a comment, I appreciate it <3

At first it's just a snowflake, weakly dancing and jolting to the rhythm of the air. But after a minute or so snow starts falling, fiercely turning it all white. It's cold outside. It's freezing inside.

 _It hurts._ You can feel everything on you, every inch of your soul being slowly shattered until there's nothing left. You know you're crying because you can't barely focus on the bunch of pills scattered all arround the floor.

"What the hell were you doing?" Your voice sounds like thousands of broken glasses. The boy is blankly staring at the window, unable to look at you. Something on his emotionless expresion makes you to cringe; it looks like he's already gone. 

"I thought you were not coming today." He speaks calmly, words slowly sneaking out of his mouth. 

"Don't fucking change the subject, Saeran! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING, DUMBASS?" You yell, but there's no need for him to answer. You know exactly what was going on. He snorts, biting his lip. You know he hates seeing you like this, but you don't care anymore. You replay on your mind every single second of the past few days, trying to find a clue on why he wants to  _fucking end_ with the life you cherish the most. You approach him, but he refuses your hand, crossing arms. You've not seen him like this for a while now.

"Why?" You whisper, the weight of the angst making you to fall onto your knees, and you cover your eyes with your hands. You can't stand the sight of him.

"Why not?" mutters the boy after a minute of sharp silence, the prior calm turning into a coming storm. His voice  feels like knives stabbing right on your heart.

"Are you stupid?" You raise your eyes again. He was fine. He was going out. He even was friends with Yoosung, and briefly smiled sometimes. What happened? Did you do something wrong? "Saeran, you were fine! What in the hell-"  
"Fine?!" He looks at you with a face of despair, completely loosing it. There are tears on his eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me? You know nothing. How in the world would I be fine? I-I've lost all my hope... And you're always so bright, so happy, so damned pure. You know nothing, (y/n)...NOTHING!"

"STOP SAYING THAT I KNOW NOTHING, YOU JERK!" you quickly get up, grabbing his wrist and forcing him to look at you. He doesn't try to let go, but your eyes are not meeting. "You think I was always like this? I was not! The moment I lost my parents I felt like I was left alone and I..I wanted to die. Every day was worst than the other. I felt numb, nothing interested me anymore. Until I met you, I was completely messed up. So don't even dare to say that I know nothing."

"Well, congrats on losing your parents. Guess what? The only parent I ever had tortured me for years. And, oh, I watched her die. And It felt good" He spits out.  _Touché._ Your heart shrinks and the lump in your troath tightens more and more. You know he has problems with keeping his mouth closed, above all when he is like this.  _Breathe, relax._ You repeat the same mantra a few times even though your lungs are not willing to open properly. You shake your head, puzzled.

"But you're not like this anymore. Saeran, look at me!" He finally does, his eyes sparkling wrathfully. "I'm by your side. So does your brother, and Hye! E-even Yoosung spents almost all of his free time playing games with you. And the RFA, everyone-"

"Everyone just feels sorry or responsible of me." He screws up his face, holding your gaze until you give up, looking away. Your knuckles are starting to get white from squeezing your fists. He continues, his voice breaking more and more as he talks. "I'm a  burden. For you, for everyone. And I'm sick as fuck of your hellish happy place."

You bitterly laugh, incredulous. You can't control youself anymore.

"What the hell?!" He shouts as you start to hit his chest with your hands closed, sobbing, not caring at all if you're doing it too hard. Indeed, you want to hurt him. You want to make his heart to shake like yours. "Saeran, damn it! damn it, damn it, damn it."

He quickly grabs your wrists, not allowing you to keep with the bangs, and you rest your forehead onto his chest. This time, he stays still. Time passes until you hear him whispering.

"What am I supposed to do? Who's going to... who's going to teach me how to be fine? How to love, how to trust again? I don't even know what it means!" 

"Is my love not enough?" You mutter, and he let's go of you, soflty pushing you away from him, again. Saeran is now rubbing his hair with both hands, his eyes closed shut.

"That's the problem! Why are you so stubborn? Just let me go... please... let me go!" You flinch at his words. Letting...him...go? How are you suppose to do that when he's everything you've got? He continues unaware of your thoughts, and starts walking on circles. "They all are so fond of you. I'm sure Yoosung, Jumin or even Zen can make you way more happy than me. I'm nothing. All I do is hurting you." He stops and glances at your wrist, which you quickly cover. There's a mark in there; he made it to you a while ago, when he lost control over his acts. You angrily look at him.

"Oh, so I'm an object now? Do you think you can just give me away?" He looks down, but you're not done yet. "What did you think it would have happened when I had found your death body on the floor, uh? What if It was me instead of you?" His face becomes white, his nostrils opening as his jaw thigtens.

"Don't ever mention it." He says, menacing. His eyes shine fiercely when he looks at you, angrily beathing. "Just don't".

"That's exactly what I mean!" You sigh. His walls are finally breaking down. "I'll be sad if you leave. Killing you is the same as killing me."

He sobs, sitting on the bed and shaking his head. "What do you want from me? You... you confuse me. I can't give you anything, fuck it! And you being there... damn it, I can't fucking kill myself if you're standing there. What are you doing to me?"

You slowly sits next to him, keeping the distance. But after a minute or so, he leans against your shoulder, still shaking from the cry. You stay still.

"I'm afraid of you leaving me. I don't deserve you, so I thought leaving before you was the best option. This way I won't be hurt, neither you will. Isn't that... the best choice?"

"No" You whisper, your cheek now on the top of his head. His red hair is soft as always. "You say you're confused. So do I. But I guess that's what love is."

"Love?" His voice is almost a sigh, and his hand hesitantly reaches yours. "But I'm not good at loving you. I'm not even sure of what it means. Every time I look at you I feel too much... it's kind of overwhelming. We're not even a couple. And I can't barely hold hands with you without feeling awkward..." He stops for a moment, dubiously. " But I do feel good when doing it lately. I feel so warm... I find comfort on your arms, (Y/n). Like you're my own paradise."

You are not holding your tears anymore, and let them flow like rivers from your eyes. He pants in surprise when you squeeze him, but finally relaxes and holds you back. You love him. He's so full of pain, anger, sorrow and despair. But he's also shouting out loud for love,even though he doesn't know how to express it.

"I don't even care if we hold hands or not, you idiot" You're starting to feel relieved. He's good now, right? " I don't expect you to be fine that fast. And even if it costs years and decades for you to be normal, I'll wait. Because I don't need all the lovey dovey shit normal couples do. The mere sight of you is enough. Understood?"

He nods, and you feel how he holds thight onto you. That's his way of saying I love you, doesn't it? You smell his hair, sighing. What if you stayed home as you pretended today? You shake your head at the thought of it. He's okay. He's with you. You'll take care of him. 

"Uh, by the way..." After a long silence, Saeran lets go of your hold, glancing at you. You try to hide a smile; grumpy tomato is back. "I said I don't deserve you so _we're not a couple_."

"We're not a couple? Oh, We just have casual sex. That make us... friends with benefits?" You tease him. You notice he's not yet recovered; his face is still pale, his hands are shaking and he seems to be fighting against himself. 

"NO! I said we're nothing". He moans with desdain. But after a second, seeing you standing up, he grabs your sleeve. He's looking down slightly blushed when he mutters: "But don't ever leave my side".


	6. Flashback: The day we met (Saeran POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback writted from Saeran POV about the time Saeran and MC (or reader) met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo I decided to write from Saeran POV for a few chapters. This one (and prob the next) is a flashback. Read it please, A FLASHBACK. I don't want to confuse anyone haha.  
> PS: when Saeran talks about he, He's reffering to Saeyoung/Luciel. I believe he would do so lots of times, and since he's on drugs (Magenta "meds"), it's likely.  
> And also, as it's a flashback, this would be so short.

The sun will be set soon. I yawn. Jeez, so many hours driving. My shoulders hurt. I glance at the girl on my side. Should I ask her to massage them, since she's my assistant? Nah, I want to avoid any accident. I internally giggle. She's so cute, hugging her knees with her head supported on them. I wonder...

"Why are you not scared of me?" I speak softly, smirking. She looks at me, eyes wide open. She seems so... lost.

"Why should I be scared?" She tries to sound confident, I guess. But she resoundingly fails.

"Haha, you're so cute, Miss." She's funny indeed. "I just kidnapped you. We're having a not-so-nice road trip in a shitty car, and you don't even know where the hell I'm taking you. So normal people would be scared."

"Well, I guess I'm not normal then" She whispers. I almost can feel my eyes glinting in recognition. She's so like me. I'm happy I'm sending her to paradise. I gladly grin.

"Gah, I can feel it... Despair, sorrow... But don't be so sad! I'm your saviour, princess! After you've passed the introduction ceremony and your recovery process, everything will be fine! Magenta is paradise." She's suddenly curious. Wow, something new. What a relief. I thought she was going to die of sadness.

"So, what is this process like?" 

"I, hmm, well, don't want to ruin the surprise" I glance again at her; she's thin and weak, and I slightly shiver at the thought of her passing through it. This is weird; I normally enjoy torturing new members; I'm saving them after all. But think about it; what if she dies and I have to search for a new assistant? It will probably be difficult to find someone that cute. Not to mention someone that agrees with me kidnapping them...haha And there's no way I don't have an assistant at this rate.  _He_ has one. "You know what? I'll tell the saviour that you're such a good girl. And since you behaved that good, you'll not have to go through the entering procedure. Yeah, the med's will be enough." I sigh, suddenly relieved. Ha, I'm so good at finding solutions. Fuck it, I'm sure I'm better than him, then.

"Okay" She says, and mutters something like <<I'm gonna be treated like a dog I guess>>. I tilt my head, arching an eyebrow.

"Why would you say that?"

"D-did you heard me?!" She flusters, her cheeks becoming red.thenshelooks down, playing with a lock of his hair. "Well, uh, you look at me like a child looks at his newly toy"

"Well, you're my assistant, so that's a fairly good comparison. You're mine. Is that a problem?" She just shrugs her shoulders. I moan. Damn it, I can't understand her. I'm happy she thinks like this, other way it'll be a bother to force her. But I can't stop thinking; why in the hell is she so easy-going? Shouldn't her be... screaming, or crying, or things like this? I recall the first time I was taken to Magenta; I cried for days. Huh, I was such a crybaby. Luckily, I'm not that weak anymore. Haha, he will be mad seeing me that happy... but there's no place to him on paradise. Never. I shake my head; that's not what I want to think about. I focuse again on the girl next to me. I'm so curious.

"Seriously, why are you so fucking well with everything?" Our eyes meet. Strangely, my heart shrinks a little. But, oh, it's not like the times I thought about Saeyoung. This time feels good. She stirs on the car sit, taking down his legs and joining his hands together.

"I don't have anything else to do." This is a weird answer. I insist.

"But what did make you decide to go with me?"

"Your eyes." Her voice is just a whisper again. My... my eyes? She means the color? Well, that would be troublesome, since it's not the real one. Should I tell her? Nah, not as she cares. She's just saying random stuff. I nod. What was her name? Oh, I guess I did not ask her. And I have the nuts to call myself a gentleman?

"What's your name?"

"You're going to write it on a collar and make me wear it?" She smirks, but her eyes are still not smiling. Welp, at least she has sense of humor. We can work on it. I laugh.

"This is what I call a good idea. But again, what is it?

"(Y/N)" Hum, (y/n)... I repeat internally, almost singing it. It's good. It's more than good. She then sighs, looking again at me. "What shoud I call you?"

I become tense, my hands tightened on the steering wheel. No one aside from the savior calls me by my name. Saeran means a past full of pain. A past full of lies. I groan. She don't need to know it.

"Just call me Boss".

 


	7. Dog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a sloth and I won't write a chapter summary, so just read the chapter below *mystery music sounding*  
> Aaaaaaand This fanfic is going to end soon, because Mystic messenger hype is done (not in my case actually I could talk and write about mystic messenger my whole shitty life) but mostly because I'm planning on writing an original story, not a fanfic (any good places to upload original storys? Please help because I'm so lost hahaha)  
> Also, the male protagonist of this story has soooooo much of Saeran on it (even though I've already started writing when I found out about Mystic Messenger THAT'S WHAT I CALL FATE) so I'll just imagine I'm writing about Saeran and cry because I'm not ready to say goodbye to my love gaaaaaaaaah  
> But anyway at least I'll write four/five more chapters plus two or three Saeran flashbacks so I'm not completey done yet hahahaha  
> Everything said, enjoy the chapter <3

**_707:_ ** _OKAY GUYS THIS IS SERIOUS ISSUE_

 **_707:_ ** _I MEAN LIKE_

_**707:** s e r i o u ssssssss_

_Jaehee Kang has entered the chatroom_

_**Jaehee Kang:**??  
_

**_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _Are Hye and Saeran okay? And (Y/N)?_

_**(Y/N):** No need to worry Jaehee ^^  
_

**_707:_ ** _Lil bro and Hye are both fine >.<_

 **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _Then what's the matter?_

_Saeran has entered the chatroom_

**_Saeran:_ ** _Dumb... I'm not your little brother. We are fucking twins!_

 **_707:_ ** _OMG sorry Saeran T.T_

 **_Jaehee:_ ** _Would you like to explain what's happening already?_

 **_Saeran:_ ** _We need Yoosung. He's not here though... damned rat kid._

_Zen has entered the chatroom_

**_Zen:_ ** _It's something wrong? No clue what you need Yoosung, but he's probably playing games as always._

 **_Saeran:_ ** _... I won't open the door next time he comes arround._

 **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _OKAY... But please explain._

 **_707:_ ** _Well, so..._

 **_707:_ ** _My one and only brother was walking alone under a big storm_

 **_707:_ ** _When he suddenly_

 **_Saeran:_ ** _I was with (y/n) actually_

_**(Y/N):** And it has stopped raining... ^^"  
_

**_707:_ ** _DON'T BREAK THE ATMOSPHERE_

 **_707:_ ** _Anyway, he find a D O G_

 **_707:_ ** _Like a little puppy fluffy and soft and cUTE_

**_707: YOOSUNG WHERE ARE YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU?_ **

**_Zen:_ ** _For real? A puppy? Are you going to keep it? Ah, I wish I had the time to own one myself..._

 **_Saeran:_ ** _We don't know yet what we're going to do._

 **_707:_ ** _WE'RE_

 **_707:_ ** _GOING_

 **_707:_ ** _TO KEEP_

 **_707:_ ** _IT!!!!!_

 **_(y/N):_ ** _Yes, absolutely_

 **_Saeran:_ ** _don't decide it by yourselves._

 **_Zen:_ ** _Creepy family..._

 **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _Is the puppy hurt or something? Is that why you need Yoosung? You know, I can just call Mr Han and he'll send  a good veterinarian at your place._

 **_707:_ ** _We'll try to call Yoosung first. The puppy seems well, we just want him to check it._

 **_707:_ ** _A puppy..._

 **_707:_ ** _SO EXCITEEEEED_

 (y/n) _has left the chatroom._

You raise your eyes from the phone. Saeran is still typing frantically, muttering something about killing the young blond male. You giggle. He's out of his nerves. Something wet and warm touches your hand; the puppy stares at you insistenly.

"Oh, you want me to take you up, little cutie pie?"

"Be careful. It could get hurt". Saeran glance at you with a face while trying to call Yoosung. He then moans, going toward the kitchen. "FINALLY! I swear to god, I'm going to kill you someday, gamer trash!" 

You hold the white small dog, while Hye and Saeyoung bring a bunch of blankets. "It seems to be okay" Hye stroke its head, tenderly smiling. Saeyoung is about to start jumping.

"Yes, but Saeran won't shut up until we know it's completely fine." You roll your eyes and bump into Saerans glare. The red-haired boy sigh, crossing arms.

"I just don't want to feel bad if he dies or something. That's allWAIT! SA-SAEYOUNG, DON'T BE THAT BRUTE" You and Hye burst into laughs when the boy runs towards his brother and takes the puppy out of his arms, earning a complain from the twin. You know well Saeran's overreaction, but this time, it's a lot more funny. "A-anyway, Yoosung is on the way." He shyly rubs the dog's furr, his eyes sparkling with childlike excitement.

"You know, it's not going to break" You softly say, touching his arm. He sighs.

"I know, but he seemed so sad out there on the rain. He was left alone. Somebody abandoned him, or even worse..." His voice fades until it's just a whisper. Is that so? He saw on the dog... a reflection of himself?

"Oh, Saeran..." You bit your lip. He's the broken one. A dissatisfied Saeyoung is now on the kitchen with Hye, trying to prepare something for the dog to eat. "You already call the dog a he" You state, in a hurry to change the subject. He nods.

"I really want to keep him, (y/n)"

"Hey, what's happening to you? That's the first time on forever that you say something that clear!" you laugh as he flusters,squeezing the dog a little more. Since the "accident" (you don't really want to recall it) he's improving by leaps and bounds, but he's just not good with words. Well, at least good words. He has a lot to say about swear words.

The door opens. Saeyoung is literally sweeping Yoosung along towards the living room.

"Bloody hell, at last!" Saeran glares at his friend, who blushes a little.

"I'm sorry, I was gaming and... WELL, where's my pacient?"

The dog barks, as if he understands the situation, and Saeran leaves it carefully on the table. You all wait for Yoosung to start the check. 

"Yas, my first job as a veterinarian-to-be! Exciting! Come on, sweetie, let's do it fast!"

Saeyoung and Saeran yell at once "do it already", and Yoosung hurries. He touches the animal, carefully searching for some wounds or broken things. He then rubs the dog's head while it tries to playfully bite his fingers. "He's a little thin, but nothing to worry about. Oh, and the black spots you told me about over the phone, it's just dirt."

The twins sight in relieve. Hye ads "Should we bathe it while you're still here?"

"Yes! Can I stay for dinner? I'm hungry and your food is heaven..."

"No", mutters Saeran at the same time hat Hye nods, softly punching his brother-in-law on the shoulder.

"Yay, thank you!"

"I'm staying as well. Let's start operation bathe the dog!" You say, and Saeyoung runs towards the bathroom to prepare the water, followed by the blond guy. Hye rolls eyes (he's such a child, she mutters), and you wait for Saeran, who is chasing after the little animal.

"Little piece of trash! That's how you thank me for saving you?"

 

 

The bathroom is too small for the five of you. Saeyoung and Saeran fight over who is  going to bathe the dog while Yoosung holds it at the door. 

"Guys, I think cutie-pie is not too excited about it. Let's hurry" says him, making the twins to snort. Hye grabs Saeyoung from the wirst. "Saeran's the one who found the dog. Are you four or something?"

"Yes, they both are" You add, glaring at your boy. Fighting over who is going to bathe a dog? Seriously? But you sigh. After all, you understand what Hye wants scolding Saeyoung; all those little things help Saeran in his recovery. And his twin, after briefly staring at Hye's eyes (you always wonder if they can talk telephatically; they understand each other without words needed), nods and gets away, claping Saeran's back. "You win this time, bro".

But then the place turns into chaos. Yoosung swears as the dog jumps from his arms, starting to run arround the place, Hye going after him. You swiftly close the door, and the puppy goes directly into the water, splashing everything. Saeyoung, who was also running, slips and falls, and you notice Saeran is all wet (as well as you and Yoosung, who is trying to keep the dog still on the water). For a moment, all you can hear is the happy bark of the animal, but suddenly Saeran burst into laughs, making your eyes to open wide (not only yours; everyone is holding their breath as if they've seen a ghost).

"Sa-Saeran?"

"We should name him Chaos! Gosh...haha" Him laughing is the most beautiful sound you've ever heard. Everyone then follows Saeran lead, but you're not sure if you're laughing or crying. You've never seen him that happy, and you were starting to think that it wans't posible for him to honestly laugh like this. You hug him, who flusters.

"(y/n)? What's the matter?"

"I'm just so happy right now"

Chaos splashes again, starting a second round of laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more thing: I SUCK AT WRITING HAPPY FUNNY THINGS LMAO  
> This chapter is awfull, but I'm planing on doing some fluff ones (angst is partially over I think) so it will get better. No more shitty chapters, I promise!


	8. Flashback: The kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another quick Saeran POV flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I have so many ideas but I think that the good ones will be oneshots because I don't plan on writing lots of chapters for this series (also, I feel like I'm aways writing the same so I'll end it soon)  
> Anyway, next one is the BIG chapter but today as I have no time I'll write a flashback.  
> Hope you enjoy it, leave a kudo/comment!  
> (Also, please, If you know any site to upload an original story, let me knooooooooow.)

Someone is knocking the door. _Dontknockthedoor. Dontmakeanysound_. I feel like my head is going to explode or something. What did the saviour told me about mixing the meds with alcohol? It's bad. Too bad. I'd rather be punched on the face by my stupid  _former twin_ than this feeling of numb on my muscles.

"DOUN'T FUCKIN KNOCK DA DOORR" I yell, trying to spell the words correctly, but my tongue won't work. I moan as the door opens. 

"Bossy boss, is everything okay?" The girl is smirking at me. I look at her; her dress sticks perfectly on her goddess-like figure.

"It was until you came. Geeeeeet ooooooout" I need to rest. I need to sleep. But damn it; she won't let me. With a heavy heart, I sigh at the smell of pancakes. Chocolate pancakes. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah why is she so efficient? I yawn, stretching my arms.

"Thank you. I like your morning vibes." She says while approaching me. I snort, but I can't help but briefly smiling. She has changed a lot; she's not the lost sad puppy she was before. Ironically, she's stronger than me; guess I'm too broken.  Everyone but me seems to achieve happiness here at Magenta; when will my paradise began?

"Miss, I'm sure you want to look closer at my bare torso, but stay still. I need to do something before." I say. If she comes, she'll see- "You need to...mmm... change your eyes?" Gah!? She knows? I quickly twirl my head so she can't see my face, looking for my contact lens. Where the fuck I left them?

"shut up shut up shut up" I mutter. She was not suppose to look into my eyes being like this. My real eyes.  _His eyes._ She brings me over a little box, and I grab it, swiflty approaching the mirror. I sigh in relief when two mint-green eyes look back at me as I raise my head. I turn arround to see my shitty assistant looking down, nervously rubing her hands. Oh, I pissed her? Or... well, is she sad?

"Okay, okay, it's nothing. I'm not mad see? Everything okay." Her eyes quickly shine again, and I roll eyes. How can just a few words change her face into a smile? I suddenly feel like a strange hole there in my heart. It's just my words, right? Or is she like this... with everyone? The brown haired girl hands a t-shirt to me, briefly blushing.

"err, Boss, maybe you want to cover yourself".

"Is something the matter?" I say, a goofy smile on my face, earning a shake of head from her. Oh, she's so cute when she flusters. Her light-brown eyes sparks as if the sun itself is playing with them, and her pale skin (slightly red coloured cheeks) is more subtle than the fragilest petal. And her lips... they hide the sweatest of the nectars. 

"Should I kiss you?" I mutter for myself. My legs are moving unconsciously, and it's weird, but my heartbeat is increasing at every step I do. My fingers slightly touch her skin; it's warm, and smooth, and it feels like electricity runing through my veins. She shivers and sighs, but doesn't move.

"Saeran..." I open my eyes wide.

"Wh-what did you just say?" She bits her lip, not sure of what to say, and I shake my head. Strangely, I don't feel angry, or disgusted, nor even scared. Not if the name comes from her mouth. It feels... warm. It feels good. Why is she quite? "Say it again!" I desperately demand. The overwhelming torrent of sensations... I need to feel it again.

"Saeran".

I can't stay still anymore. Both our eyes close as I lean forward and bring our lips together. First, is just a peck, my hands softly holding her head from behind. But, just as easy as blinking, our tongues meet, dancing and exploring every part of the other, breaths faltering as the intensity grows. It just feels right.  _We_ feel right. The pain, the sorrow, the darkness... Everything fades away as we kiss. She's the air I was born to breathe. 

"What the hell did you do to me?" I groan, tears starting to form into my eyes, slighlty annoyed. But this time, it feels good.

"You were the one that kidnapped me" She answers, kissing me back. I shiver at the touch of her hands on my chest, and my fingers tangle on her hair, pulling back his head so my tongue can go deeply. I want her to be mine.

I'm not a beginer. I mischievously smile at the thought of her in pleasure, and I feel her arching when I soflty bite her ear. I go over every inch of her neck, feeling an urge, and I lean her back on the bed. Hah, so cute. I can tell she's a rookie because she's resoundingly nervous. "Shhhh, babe~ this is paradise." She moans for all response.

I stroke her, starting from the belly and reaching for her breast. A suddenly thought clicks on my head; I want to make her scream. I want toNO.nononononononononononono. No. Please, no. What am I doing? what the fuck is wrong with me?!?!

I quickly get up, my shaking hands frenetically going over my messy hair, squeezing my head in order to restrain the comings and goings of my contradictory thoughts.

"Sa-Saeran?" I haven't noticed her standing next to me. She touches my arm, and I jump.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, BITCH" I yell, out of control. She seems hurt, she seems lost. Stupid, don't cry. It's me the one who's wrong. Not you, not you. Oh god. What if I hurt her? What the hell I was thinking? What if I hurt her and then I'm left alone again and what if everything gets dark and"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT PLEASE PLEASE!"

I shrank into myself, hugging my knees, sobbing, muttering incoherent words.

"What If I hurt you you don't please just go don't leave my oh god please"

I want her to go away. I want her to disappear so I can start feeling normal again. I want her to leave me so she can live properly. But deep inside, I selfishly wish for her to stay. I egoistically wish for her sharing paradise with me. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to wish for it. I'm a trash mess. I feel her steps. Is she finally gone? Can my lungs open now?

But when I raise my eyes, she's quietly sitting at the other side of the room, infront of me, her eyes fixed on mine. They glare with resolution even though her mouth is trembling. I shiver. Is she stupid? Why is she so reluctant to stay with a monster like me? She whispers.

"Good luck firing me. I'm not going anywhere." 

Definitely, she's the most stupid human being alive.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this was not suppose to be like this hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahha but I love it


	9. Melting ice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran/reader POV. "You, the one who's able to melt the ice paralizing my heart. You, who shines brighter than the sun. I want to embrace your warmth, now and forever." (This is part one so haha good luck finding those lines)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this will be a two part chapter so this is part one  
> Sorry in advance for any writing error.

SAERAN P.O.V  
"When I look at the sky I think of her"

The therapist looks at me over the half-moon glasses. "What do you mean? You want her... to be up there?"

"NO" I groan. Is he stupid or something? Okay, I need to calm down.  _Breathe. Sigh._ "You already know how I feel about her. She's the only thing I ever want to look at."

"Yes, I know. I was just proving you a little" Proving me? He smiles and deeply breathes. "Saeran, back then, a year ago, you would yell at me for what I just said. Do you realize how much you've improved? I want you to feel proud." 

"It's all thanks to her, doctor". Tsk, how much I owe her?

"That's not true. She did played a big part, but she's not inside your head. You've changed, and it's something only you could achieve." I stir on the black and not-so-comfortable chair. Yes, maybe he's a little right. I smile. It feels good to be acknowledged.

"So am I okay now? Do I have to keep coming to therapy?" My heart shrinks a little. I'm not that fine. What happens if they kick me out? 

"You know, your condition is not something that can be healed. Even though you're much better, I would recommend you to keep coming once a week, or whenever you need to. I can help you when you're not... well, not that good." I bitterly laugh. I know what he means. Today I'm okay, but tomorrow I may turn into a sad and angry monster again. It's like a twisted russian rulet, ha.

"I actually feel relieved, doctor. The candy here is so fricking good. But you'll have to change that damned chair if you want to keep getting my money" He laughs. It's weird to make people laugh when all I did before was scaring them.

"Okay, okay... I don't want (Y/N) to come complaining about you having back pain." He stops, and smirks a little. "Did you think about what we talked?"

Oh shit. Damn it, of course I thought about it! Every single minute. My insides stirs a little, nerves on edge. But I've already made my decision. Be a man, Saeran.

"Yes." I say, almost muttering.

"And, well?"

"Gah, I'm going to do it tomorrow, okay?" I blush, and my shitty hands are trembling. Huh, why is he laughing? 

"Finally? I actually can't believe it!" I arch an eyebrow at his reaction.

"Are you going to throw a party or something like this? Because I strongly disagree."

"Okay, okay. I just got excited for you. It's a big step, you know." Yes, I do know. Bloody hell.  _He's making it worse._ "Well, time's over. I'll wait anxiously for next week. You better come as a fiancé."

 

 

It's starting to get warm outside, though the wind still blows strongly. I feel my phone vibrating like crazy, but I won''t answer. I'll see them in a while, as I know they'll come to our place in no time. <<Come. I don't know how to propose. Need help.>> it's enough for even making Jumin to stop working. It's the most needed SOS of all times.

Saeyoung is sitting on the kerb infront our apartment. There's some kind of nostalgia in his amber eyes when he looks at me.

"What are you doing out here, jerk?" I ask, crossing arms.

"Well, I need air. I'm shocked. My brother just told me he's going to propose."

"I guess it's me your talking about" I say, rolling eyes. I sit next to him, taking a box of cigarettes from my pocket. "Want a cig?" He shakes his head.

"(Y/N) is going to kill you if he finds out you're smoking again." Jeez, why everyone has to be so stubborn with the whole no-smoking thing?

"I'm not smoking again!! I'm just death nervous right now." The smoke fills my lungs, and I feel the old relaxing sensation invading my senses. 

"Are you really going to do it?" He's now looking right into my eyes. He knows I'm serious, doesn't he? The same way I know he's kinda scared of loosing me. Hah, how childish of him.

"Yes, I am. She's all I never dared to dream about, Sae Sae" He relaxes when he hears this name. The name I used to yell on my worst nights. "Anyway, why are you so sad? You're already married... How selfish."

"I am not sad nor even mad, okay? I'm so happy for you, for real. I was just remembering old times" I sigh. What's the point on remembering these kind of things?

"We're not that different than before. Look at you, you're still a douche" 

"And you're still scared of spiders". Fair point. I punch him on the shoulder, facking a pout.

"Brother, you can't really blame me. Those things are horrible. " We're both now looking up. The sky is beautifully painted in pink. I know what he's afraid of. "You were serious when saying you wanted to live with me forever, right? You know it's not posible for us four to live together. We need our space." It feels odd to be, for once, the reasonable one. But I guess It has always been like this. Before everything, I mean.

"I know, I know, but I don't want to lose you. I promised you we will be together, and now... Oh, I'm such a child, haha. What the hell am I thinking?"

"Nah, it's okay to feel like that. But you know, I'm not going anywhere, you piece of trash. That shitty twin magic won't let me, anyway." I grin. It was suposed to be a surprise, but..."Saeyoung, you know those big nice houses we saw the other day while on the car? The ones which were stucked." He raises an eyebrow.

"Yes... They're solded now."

"Well, I think it was a good inversion."

"WHAT?" He stands up, looking at me, incredulous. "SAERAN WHAT THE HELL?"

"You probably don't know, but I'm rich" Well, I was rich is more accurate. Damned houses. I'll need to take a few more jobs. I fluster as he hugs me tight. "Saeyoung, get away!"

"Uh, are we interrupting something?" I raise my eyes to bump into Zen smirking. Yoosung waves a hand.

"N-No! He's just being an idiot, like always."

"HE BOUGHT TWO FUCKING HOUSES SO WE CAN LIVE TOGETHER ALWAYS AND FOREVER ISN'T THAT AWESOME" He's really noisy. Damn it, I should've killed him when I had the chance.

"Wow, for real? So jealous!" Yoosung can't help but be excited. Of course, he'll keep coming almost everyday. I ignore them.

"Where's Jumin and Jaehee?" 

"Oh, they just said they'll be a little late. We can start without them." Zen smiles at me. "So...A proposal, uh? You called the right person"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter soon sorry for the poor quality of the chapter, but I don't feel like writing. I mean, I want to write but ugh not a good day.


	10. Melting ice (part2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter 10 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY  
> SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT BUT UNI TAKES A LOT OF TIME LIKE I'M LITERALLY BURIED ON WORK AND I HAVE NO TIME LEFT  
> Also I have to distribute my free time in writing, watching anime/tvshows, reading, drawing and hanging out with friends my life is shit rn.  
> This chapter is going to be Saeran/MC(reader) POV.
> 
> And I want to complain about something. So yesterday I saw a post on instagram of someone defending Rika. Okay, I don't hate Rika. I actually like her, and I'll forgive her. I understand that she has mental illness, but dude, mental illness IS NOT and excuse for killing/manipulating/basically turn people into druged shit. People who suffers from any kind of mental illness (me included) are not crazy. So stop with the whole RIKA IS INNOCENT SHE'S JUST A VICTIM because nophe. Also, some people compare a lot Rika with Saeran, saying that Saeran is not a broken child, because he manipulates, he hurts people, etc. Let's recap; Saeran was TORTURED during his whole childhood to the point that he couldn't walk properly because he was not used to it. Then, he was forced to thought that his only hope, the only thing he lived for, abandoned him. This not being enough, he was forced to be in drugs for years. WHEN HE DOES THOSE BAD THINGS HE'S DRUGED AS FUCK. He's so damaged, as I try to reflect on this fanfic. But he was pure and innocent. Remember when Luciel/Saeyoung talks about little Saeran; he describes him as someone who will obey his mother even when she brutally tortured him (yes, it was prob because of fear, but he always calls her Mommy, Saeyoung only says Mom,see the difference?). Someone weak and good. SO Saeran is not bad, Rika is. Stop comparing them. And stop saying shit about Saeran I'M SO MAD.  
> Okay thats all enjoy the chapter <3

**SAERAN POV**

I touch the little box on my pocket, checking for the tenth time if it's still there.  _Breathe._ Jeez, I swear my heatbeat can be heard out loud. Why are my feets not moving well? Hah, I'm scared as fuck. I go over the list that Zen made me. Flowers, dinner, shore. I groan. Why is everthing so complicated? What if she refuses? I look up at the cloudless sky. It's beautiful. And somehow, it reminds me of her smile. I kind of feel it, along with a melodic laugh, echoing at the top of my mind. And I find the strenght to move my legs again.

**READER POV**

"COMING!" You yell, cursing your lack of punctuality. You search for the black handback, swiflty glancing at the mirror on the wall. A strapless red dress exalts your slim yet curved figure, and a pair of black heels help you look less shorter than usual (thankfully). Your hair falls perfectly, a little wavy, like a cascade.

"CAN YOU PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT ALREADY?" Ugh, Saeran is not in a good mood, you guess. But what's with the whole dinner thing? He even asked you to get elegantly dressed. You open the door, and the sight of the nervous boy wearing a suit leaves you speechless.

"Wha-what? Saeran, is that you? Really? Like wow, are you real, like actually real?" He flusters tremendously, her face turning almost as red as his hair. He awkwardly offers you a bunch of red roses, his hands trembling.

"He-here. I bought them. F-for you" His voice is sort of high-pitched as he tries to speak. You blink twice, still shocked. What in the hell is happening? Like, Saeran's the one who would spend his entire life on pyjamas. And Saeran's definitively not the flowers kind of guy. You incredulously laugh, shaking your head and taking the flowers.

"Are you Saeyoung? Are you making fun of me, or torturing Saeran, or something like this?"

"I'M NOT SAEYOUNG, (Y/N)!!! I'M JUST TRYING TO DO NICE STUFF, DAMN IT!" He pouts (which allows you to know that he's definetly Saeran) and you calm down a bit, smelling the roses. "They smell so good... Thank you, Saeran." you get a moan for response. You wonder if something bad happened today... he seems so anxious. He's looking down, bitting his lip.

"Everything okay?" You carefully ask.

"Ye-yes, all fine! Why are you-HEY, BE CAREFUL!" A fine is all you need to jump towards the boy, giving him a big hug.

"I missed you so so much, you grumpy tomato"

He relaxes, softly kissing the top of your head. "Yeah, I missed you too, my girl. But it's been just a day, you know". You giggle, pecking his nose.

"Don't break the atmosphere".

He rolls eyes, gently pushing you away and offering you an arm "Shall we go?"

"Hmm, it depends on where are you taking me."

"Don't want to tell you. It's a surprise" You love how his amber eyes spark when he's smiling. Everytime he does so, and just  for a brief moment, his face erase all signs of pain.

"We've been here before, don't we?"

He enarchs an eyebrow at your answer. "Last time, you did not hesitated following me"

"I liked bad boys, you know" You accept his arm and he closes the door with a triumphal grin. "Let's go, but make sure this time you're taking me to an actual paradise."

 

 

 It smells like salt. The soft breeze gently strokes your skin, warmed by the flame at the middle of the table. Above all the chattering, you can hear the misterious whisper of the waves, harmoniously breaking. Saeran is looking at the menu with a face of concentration, swiflty reading, occasionally moaning. You know it's going to take time; he's awful with decisions. The candle light reflexes on his hair, making it even more red, and his skin, previously pale white, is now light-colored. Even though all physical traces of childhood had dissapeared from his face, his eyes spark with a childish strenght you've never seen on him (at least, not in Magenta). The boy raises his eyes, slightly blushing at the sight of you staring at him.

"You're creepy! Jeez, why would you stare at me like that?" 

"Because you're beautiful" You answer, knowing before hand that he'll fluster.

"Wha-what a shitty taste you have, then" He goes over the menu again, groaning in frustration. "Why there's not burguers or fried chicken? What the hell is a... clam?" 

You giggle. Saeran seems so out of his element. "It's a mollusk. You can't eat junk food forever, you know."

He rolls eyes, sighing "I wish I could. This restaurant is so weird"  
"I love it. It's beautiful." He thoroughly smiles, notoriously relieved. You smirk "But what are we here? This is not our average date" Most of the times, your average date would mean hearing him complaining about everything, staying at home and watching TV. The red haired boy just shrinks his shoulders, playing with the glass of red wine on his hand, absent-mindedly.

"I don't even know. Zen told me that if I..." He opens his eyes wide and looks anxiously at you, swearing, like if he'd talked too much. You're even more confused.

"Zen? What's about Zen?" You look over his shoulder, searching for the white-haired boy. Was he going to make an announcement or something? Overreacting was typical of him, and Saeran wouldn't say no to a favour. Maybe he has (finally) gotten a girlfriend?

"NO-NO-NOTHING ABOUT ZEN! Don't move like this, stay still! He's not here, you dummie!" You glare at him. You wish your look could burn.

"Why are you so nervous, Saeran? Is something the matter?" You cross your arms as he squeeze his eyes shut, trying to control his temper. Wait, is him who is trying to ask you something? God... oh god. No. He's going to ask for permission to turn your apartment into an ice-cream shop, don't he? You spent  _so much time_ trying to explain him why it was not a good idea. Especially when he's not willing to sell any ice-cream.  _This way, I could eat all the ice-cream i want._ That's his main argument. He opens his eyes again and looks down.

"It's nothing, I mean, nothing serious. I just" The waiter appears, interrupting him. 

"Do you already know what you want?" Saeran sighs, a little relieved, but you silently complain. Nice timing, dude.

 

 

"Just a little closer, here!"

Saeran childishly sweeps you along through the smooth but cold sand, moving closer to the waves. 

"Saeran, we're going to get wet!" You shriek. 

"Zen told me I needed to be this close! It has to be perfect." The boy almost whispers, partially talking to himself.

"What the hell is going on with Zen?!" He's driving you crazy with all the secretive mood, but you supress your anger when you notice he's trembling.

"Okay, okay. Here I go." He suddenly stops and gently grabs your hand, clearing his troath. "I was... well, I...Hmm, I mean... How the hell it was?" 

"Saeran?" You're starting to get seriously worried. He moans, frustrated.

"Fuck the script!"

He squeezes your hand a little, swallowing, notoriously relaxing as he looks right into your eyes. His, honey-like, gleam nervously yet tenderly.  

"I'm in love with you. I was not suppose to fall in love with you, damn it. And it feels like a dream. I'm afraid you'll disappear, but I know you're real, because not even in my greatest fantasies I would have imagined someone like you. So pure, so perfect." He strokes your hair and you look at him, surprised, but he shakes his head when you open your mouth. "Shhht, no. I'm not over." He kind of laughs." You know what? I hated you at first. I hated that I needed you like the air I breathe. I was constantly scared of you leaving me, because for the first time ever, I could feel my heart beating. But you stayed even on my worst days, painting the gray with all the colours of the earth. Can I be a little selfish on you?"

You're stunned, and tears are starting to drop from your eyes. Is he really going to...? You cover your mouth with your hands as he kneels and offers you a box with a sparkling ring on it.

"You, the one who's able to melt the ice paralizing my heart. You, who shine brighter than the sun. I want to embrace your warmth, now and forever. Marry me. Please, marry me. I know that I'm not husband material, and that I'll screw it up many times. But marry me, so I can finally be in paradise."

 All of a sudden, a wave breaks strongly, making both of you to fall. Saeran blinks repeatedly, stunned, and you burst into laughs, still crying. You're a mess of soak, sand and tears, but you couldn't care less.

"He-Hey! (y/n), you okay?"

"YES!" You shriek, making him to open his eyes wide, a smile starting to arise, eyes tenderly wet.

"Yes what? Wow, do you mean..."

He can't finish his sentence because you hug him tight, making him to stagger."Yes yes yes!"

Instintively, he squeezes you and burdens his head on your shoulder, probably in order to hide his tears.  "Don't do that, you stupid girl! We're going to lose the damned ring!"

 


	11. Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter I was so excited to write. Enjoy it, leave a comment if you like it or have something to ask/tell me <3

**READER P.O.V.**

"Please, let me in!"

You look away from the bouquet of white flowers that someone delicately placed on the table. Hye snorts while she tries to style your hair.

"Saeyoung, I told you a milion times: you can't enter at the bride's room!"

Your brother-in-law-to-be moans from behind the door. "But Hye, this isn't fair! Why is Yoosung in?"

The young blond man giggles, but fakes a serious face as the girl glance at him. "Hmm, that's because I'm helping with things. You know, checking and all."

"I want to help too! Please? My newly sister will think I'm useless!"

"Honey, you're useless when talking about organizing things." Hye sighs and you giggle, trying to calm your heart a little. Is it normal to be  _that_ nervous? Someone swiftly walks towards the door, and you wonder who's coming.

"SAEYOUNG! What are you doing here? You idiot, don't annoy her!" Despite your insides stirs a little, you smile. That's your husband-to-be.  "Hmm, (y/n), are you, err, okay?"

You grin as you notice his voice is sort of high-pitched. So you're not the only one shivering like a lost cat. "Yes. At least I'm alive."

"I'm glad to hear that" He speaks low, sweetly, and a warm feeling goes over your body.  _He's yours._ "Saeyoung, now leave her alone! Just do some best man stuff."

"That's the worst part of being a best man! I have nothing to do. Literally nothing!. And I want to know why Yoosung is in."

"Huh? Yoosung...in?"

They're not helping. They're not helping at all. You look at Hye with imploring eyes, and she breaths deeply. "You two. Now. Get away."

"Hmm, Hye, do you think I could see her, like,  just for a moment?"

"The groom can't see the bride! NOW, GO!" 

You thank all the living things for the newly obtained peace. Yoosung laughs and shakes his head. "Are you sure you want to do this? You know, if you run away, I won't judge."

"You're not the one to talk. You spent literally all your free time with us." You mock him, taking the glass of water he is offering you. Hye sighs for the 100th time today and strokes your shoulder. 

"Are you really okay, (Y/N)?"

"Isn't it odd?  I'm 100% sure I want to marry him, but I can't help but being nervous as hell." You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling unable. Hye laughs, finishing with the details.

"So you forgot about when I soaked my dress just a minute after my own wedding?" Oh, it's true. You even had to redo her make-up because she cried while getting dressed. Your maid of honor takes a step back and claps, a proud grin on her face.

"Done! Wow, I'm really jealous. Look at you!" 

You do.Your hair is braided in a bun and your eyes, gently made up, shine with excitement when you smile at your own reflection. The dress is gorgeous; it tightens until the waist and then falls delicately. You laugh because it all reminds you of a fairy tail. Yoosung hugs you, visibly touched.

"You look stunning, (y/n)" 

 "Oh, thank you so much!" You have to try your best to hold the tears. You know he sees you as a sister (probably, because you helped him the most with all the Rika thing), and you love him like if you really were, which is really easy since he always tries to please others. He has a big heart. "Let me go, you're strangling me!" 

He moves aside, and you bump into Hye's soft look. "I'm glad we're going to be together as a family for the rest of our lives."

"Stop it! I'm going to waste my make-up" Hye laughs and hugs you (seems like you won't stop hugging people today), and someone knocks the door, making the girl to swear.

"I told you both to go away!"

"It's me. It's time." You heart shrinks as you hear Jumin's deep voice, and Yoosung hurries to open the door. The young man, wearing a suit as usual (even though this time it's a more elegant one), stares at you, tenderly smiling. "(Y/N), you look great."

"Thank you, Jumin" You are happy to see him. He's the one who's taking you to the altar, as you two have developed a deep bond and, despite he's still so young, there's something on him that reminds you of a father. 

"Are you ready?" He offers you his left arm. You nod.

"Let's do this once for all."

 

 

_One step closer._

He's standing at the end of the hall, too nervous to look up, hands joined together. A soft fire burns on your chest; it warms you. It warms your fingers, eager to explore  every inch of the map on his body, over and over again. It warms your eyes, wanting to witness each smile, each cry, each and every one of the moments life has to offer to him. It even warms your skin, ready to age along with his until all is left of you is the strength of a love that flies away . There, infront of you, is him standing, a thorn you can't help but embrace. There, infront of you, two amber lighthouses shows you the way.

 _His eyes._ Since the moment he first laid eyes on you, you know you were ashes to him. Your whole word shaked, tearing apart, just to be reborned brighter than before. 

 _His touch._ Fireworks play as he takes your hand and you face the altar. "You are beautiful." He whispers, briefly smiling at you. 

"You are gorgeous." You reply, leting out a little giggle. 

"Are you ready to began the ceremony?"

**SAERAN P.O.V.**

If angels were to exist, she would be one. Nothing can be compared to her beauty; from the shine on her soft eyes to the way her fingers perfectly fit in my hand. I feel her warm skin besides mine, which is always cold. That's what we are, I suppose; a dance of ice and fire. 

"You can say your vows now."

I deeply breathe, taking the paper Saeyoung is handing me. I thought it would be difficult to speak on public, but everything else blurs when I get lost on her eyes, cloud over. She's the only thing I want to see, now and forever. 

"I promise to choose you every day, for who you are now and for who you are yet to become. To laugh with you, cry with you, to push you and to stand by you whatever happens. I will treasure every moment spent with you as the air I breathe, and I offer, here and now, my all to you and the life we're going to enjoy together. I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you and respect you. To be your light on your darkest moments, as you've been mine since the very begining. No matter where we are, I will create a home with you, filled with laughter, joy and happiness. And I'll always have faith on your love for me, as is the only thing I'll always need. Before you, I was full of despair, sorrow and pain. I was death inside. But now, I know my soul was just waiting for you. I love you unconditionally and without hessitation."

I stroke her cheek, wiping away her tears. She knows I meant everything.  _The girl I'll always love._ She clears her troath, swallowing.

"Okay, it's my turn now, I guess. I love you, Saeran, and I'll always do. No matter what's to come, I vow to face each and every storm with you, to never give up on you and to be honest, patient, kind and forgiving. I will hold you on your longest days, and I'll walk with you hand in hand wherever our journey leads us. I promise to be supportive and encourage every one of your passions, and to celebrate your triumphs as my own. To acknowledge and love your faults and defects as much as your virtues, and to help you becoming whatever you want to do. I'll turn pain into hope, sorrow into laughs. I'll endorse your dreams, as your soul shines through them, and that spark on your eyes is the sunrise I want to see everyday. And, above all, I vow to never leave you, to stand by you even when everything it's dark, to join together the pieces of your hopes everytime they tear apart. Because you're my person, and I'll never ask for much than your love."

I don't even need to touch my face to know that is wet from the tears that are falling. But I do not care; all I care about is the freckles on her smile. It's when I'm sliding the ring on her hand that I realize that, for the first time in forever, I'm completly happy. The warm sensation on my chest... so that's what it feels like to achieve happiness? 

"Hey dude, can I kiss the bride already?"

(Y/N) rolls eyes, sobbing "You little impatient shit". The man laughs.

"Yes, sir, you can kiss the bride"

People claps, and somewhere Saeyoung yells "I'M SO PROUD OF MY BROTHER"

But I barely hear them.

All I can focus on is on her salted lips. The kiss, it tastes good.

It tastes like peace.

It tastes like hope.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASIER BUT OH BOI IT COSTED ME PAIN AND TEARS AND BLOOD AN SWEAT.  
> And it's not perfect, meh.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. And don't worry, this is not the last chapter. There's more to come.  
> (even though I need to continue my other Saeran fanfic damnnnnnnn)  
> thank you so much, leave a comment to let me know anything <3


	12. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHristmas at Jumin's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IIIIIIIIIII LOVE CHRISTMAS SO HERE A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL  
> Sorry for the delay but I'm about to start exams period and I have literally no time :( Uni sucks kids

"Look at all the things it does!" Saeran excitedly looks at the camera you gave him as an early present (he insisted in having  _at least one of them_ tonight _._ Otherwise, he threatened you with making you a widow at such young age because _he was_   _literally going to die from the wait._ ). You smile, slighlty shaking your head. It's the very first Christmas he celebrates for real, as last year he was still on the hospital and not in a good mood, and every single spot of festivity (the lights, the christmas tree, the presents) make his eyes to gleam, childishly. You rub his hair, giggling.

"I bought it; I already know how it works." You were even tempted to tell him that Santa Claus was actually real, but the thought of him feeling betrayed (which he surely would once he'd found out the truth) stopped you. You look at the hour; if you keep on delaying, you're going to be late. "Saeran, we should get going to Jumin's place."

Your husband looks up, mouth opened. "True. I haven't noticed it was that late." Saeran hates lack of punctuality as much as Jumin does. He stands up, carefully leaving the camera on the table. "By the way, what's up wih the whole  _normal clothes_ thing? This is not Jumin-like"

"I don't know. Maybe the christmas spirit has touched him" The only condition Jumin stated when inviting RFA for christmas eve was <no suits nor party dresses>. You guess he just wants a break from the office atmosphere, but, as Saeran says, this is a huge gap moe.

"So jealous. I want the christmas spirit to get here too". You sigh, rolling eyes. He easily takes things literally, but you can't really blame him; for Saeran, everything's new. Chaos barks, and someone knocks the door; it must be Saeyoung and Hye, as you're going together at Jumin's penthouse.

"Ta-da! Do you like our jumpers?" Hah, they really take the matching thing to a whole new level.

"No. They are awful." You roll eyes at Saeran's answer, but he turns arround and whispers. "Why don't we have one?"

"You know.. I can hear you, brother. You're jealous!"

"I AM NOT JEALOUS, DUMBASS!"

Hye, her brown eyes smiling even though she's wearily shaking her head, hugs you. "Merry christmas, (y/n). I'm really really grateful you're here."

"Oh, but they're pretty funny, don't you think so?" You laugh, teasing her. 

"You're having a great newly wed time with Saeran,don't you?. Wait until all kind of sweets start to quickly disappear. Hint: search for a red-head." You burst into laughs, earning a glare from the said boy, who enclose your waist, making your heart to happily jump.

"Okay, Miss, stop being cruel. We really have to get going."

 

 

 

You're all really surprised at the sight of Jumin opening the door with a hoodie and showing a very unusual relaxed face.

"Huh, we knocked at the wrong door?" Saeran archs an eyebrow while Hye and Saeyoung try to hold their laughs.

"What do you mean? It's clearly me."

"That's exactly the thing; why are you and not one of your slave-like employes opening the door?" Saeyoung asks. 

"And with a hoodie". You add, smiling. He flusters a little and quickly glance back, seemingly searching for something.

"There's nothing bad in giving free days on christmas. Also... well, first of all, I want you to meet someone."

From behind, a smiling black haired girl awkwardly waves at you all. She's beautiful yet common, and there's something in her green nervous eyes that makes it imposible to dislike her. Saeran slightly squeezes your hand, pointing at Jumin with his head. You thoroughlty smile; the tenderness on Jumins face can only mean one thing;: he loves her.

"Arya, this is Saeyoung, Saeran, Hye and (Y/N). Guys, she's Arya, my girlfriend. I look forward for you to know."

"Hmmm, so you're also not from here, (Y/N)?" Her voice is soft, and she speaks with a slight but noticeable english accent. You nod.

"Yes. Even though I lived here almost my entire life."

"Well, that's actually a relief, to have someone like me." She then swiflty looks from Saeyoung to Saeran, once and again. "Errr, pardon me but, who is who?"

"I'm the original one" States Saeyoung, which leads to a soft shove from his twin.

"Don't be stupid infront of new people!"

Hye laughs, touching Arya's arm. "Welcome to the family. Saeyoung's the one with the curlest hair."

"Huh, okay. I'll  make a note." Jumin approaches the girl, briefly kissing her forehead. 

"We should go. They're all waiting".

 

 

 

"I can't believe this jerk has an actual girlfriend. Cutie, you sure you're not getting payed for it?" Zen complains  _again_ (Saeran is counting the times; this one's the tenth), making Yoosung to moan.

"Dude, you'll turn green! Stop it already!" They are both drunk, making it easier for Saeyoung to tease them.

"Zen, wait! Look at your neck... did you painted today? I really see something green... here, on the left."

"WHERE? Saeyoung, you can't joke with such serious things!!! Jeez, there's not a mirror in that damned house??"

"Hon, can we go now? Do we really have to stay here for that long?" Saeran whispers, pulling the sleeve of your jumper. You sigh.

"Yes,we do. It just been two hours, Saeran." He snorts, pouting.

"Oh, _just two hours, Saeran._ Yes, because Saeran likes to fucking socialize and being surrounded by people is his favourite thing ever!"

Jaehee , who's next to you, wears an apologetic smile. "You'll get used to it. It happens all the years"

"Well, I'm not getting used to it. Never." Jaehee blinks at Saeran's reply. She still has some kind of respect for the boy, and easily gets shocked by his answers. You quickly intervene.

"Yes, he will, don't mind him. By the way, Jaehee, what's with Jumin? When did he... fall in love?" You can't even believe you're placing Jumin and love together on the same sentence. The short haired girl sighs, briefly smiling.

"Yes, I was also... kind of impressed when he told me. She's a doctor, they met two months ago in a charity party that gathered money to built cat refuges." They really just have eyes for each other; Jumin is even ignoring Zen's poisoned words (more like babbles right now). But as he notices you three are looking at them, he clears his troath, standing and raising the glass of wine on his hand.

"If you don't mind, let me have a few words"

"Yes, I mind! Why can't I get close to Elly?" Hye inmediately shuts Saeyoung, muttering a sorry as the boy complains. Arya can't help but laughing and, Jumin, after a short pause, keeps talking.

"Leave Elizabeth 3rd alone, please. As I was saying; thank you for coming today. I said it before, but I consider you all my family. I hope we get to make much more memories together. Also, Arya and I would like to announce something; we're going to get married."

Get married? But, it's not too soon? The room remains silent for a brief moment, until Zen's hand goes up, almost pouring the content of his glass.

"Fuck it, dude! If the jerk wants to get marry, why not? Congrats, Arya! Jumin, you make sure to treath her well"

"Thank you, Zen!" Arya is notoriously touched as everyone starts with the congratulations.you're speechless at the promptness of the events, but you can't be more happy for the two of them. Looking at your husband, who's frowning, you internally wish that he keeps silently about whatever he has on mind; fortunately, he just rolls eyes and mutters a "congrats".

"Thank you all" Jumin now looks at Jaehee, rasing an eyebrow." Jaehee, I thought you wanted to make an announcement, too." The woman flusters, playing with the black necklace she's wearing.

"Ye-yes." She deeply breathes. " Well, as you all know, I've always wanted to be a mother. So, after thinking about it, I decided to adopt a child. In fact, I've already began the process."

Zen increduously laughs, while Yoosung stares at her with his eyes wide opened. Hye and Saeyoung oddly look at each other, tenderly smiling.You clap, excited. "I'm so happy, Jaehee! But, what about work?"

"Obviously, she can't be my assistant anymore. But I'm giving her another position, and the company has a nursery, so it shouldn't be a problem." Jumin answers for Jaehee, who seems relieved now that she'd said it.

"Yes, Mr. Han really made it easier. I'm grateful"

"Ladies, gentlemen, be prepared because we also have something to say" Saeyoung stands up,interrupting the chattering that was starting to grow, holding Hye's hand. Saeran snorts.

"What? Are you going to travel to the space? Just finish with the whole announcement thing." He is about to say something else, but holds his words at the sight of you glaring at him. Saeyoung just clicks his tongue, shaking his head.

"You're not going to be a good uncle if you keep acting like this, Sae Sae."

"WHAT?" Saeran opens his mouth, wearing a disgusted face, and everyone in the room stares at the smiling duo. Jaehee adopting a child is something you knew it would eventually happen as she talked a lot about it, but a baby of these two? None of you ever imagined it.

"A baby tomato is on the way!" Hye happily says. Arya, being new, is the only one who's not shocked, and hurries to break the silence.

"A baby! Congrats, these are amazing news!"

"No, no, no. Not congrats, Not nothing. A baby?? You've gone crazy!" 

"What are you talking about, Saeran? This is fabulous!" You finally find the words to speak, touched and all. A baby! Saeran glares at you, moaning, but you just ignore him."But I didn't knew anything! How is that posible?"

"Well, we just found out this morning. It's still very soon, but we wanted to tell you. Our family." Saeyoung's looks at Hye like if she is the sun itself. Except for Saeran, who is still grumbling about bad decisions, everyone seems moved, and the hugs start. You can't help but feeling a bit nostalgic; when was the last time you felt like this? You finally have a family again, and it makes you feel as kind of melting inside. You search for Saeran's hand, who looks at you, slightly confused; even so, he awkwardly smiles and intertwine your fingers with his.

"Guess now Zenny and I are the miserables one. Zenny~ let's be forever alones together!" Yoosung laughs, trying to hug Zen, whose face denotes that he's less drunk than the blond man.

"Agh, get out, Yoosung! Don't touch me!"

"You know, Yoosung is right. Otherwise, if you liked cats, maybe you'll find someone." Jumin smirks, slowly drinking of his glass. Arya laughs, softly punching at his fiancée arm, and Jaehee rolls eyes. Let the fight begin.

"Don't talk about fur balls! It's enough to have your damned cat near!" 

"It's not her fault that you pretend to have allergy"

"I'M NOT PRETENDING?!?!?! LOOK AT MY FACE!"

"Hey hey Jumin, will you let my child to play with Elly?"

"No if it's like you"

"Hye, say something!"

"Why don't we open the presents already?"

 

 

 

 

"C'mon, just one last thing!"

You follow Saeran arround the house. You just arrived (in a limousine, courtesy of the chairman-to-be) and, instead of heading to the bedroom and sleep like normal human beings, he's sweeping you along, secretive as always.

"Saeran, it's 4 am! I thought you were tired. Well, at least, you reminded me of it every two minutes!"

"I know, just a moment. Theeeeeeere it is. Ta-da!" You look up at where his finger is pointing.

"A... mistletoe" He thoroughtly smiles. God, you'll never get used to the prickling sensation and the way everything inside of you stirs when his eyes meets yours, two stars shining and warming you. He soflty touches your face, making you to sigh.

"You know, I read that if you kiss your loved one under a mistletoe, your love would last forever..."

"So, what are you waiting for?" Your noses are touching. You can see the freckles on his cheeks. He giggles, pecking your lips.

"Gosh,I hate it when you're and impatient bitch"

"And I hate you when you're a hearthless brat"

"But you'll never leave me"

"Never"

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY IT'S 3 a.m RIGHT NOW AND I'M DYING TO GO TO SLEEP but I needed to finish the chapter ierhf4rugitrfv  
> See, there's a problem with non fluff chapters; I feel like I'm just writing a bunch of actions and literary quality just disappears hahahaha so I don't like this chapter so much. Anyway, I hope you like it more than I do. Thank you for reading <3


	13. Tattoo (Flashback)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback, Saeran's POV. It takes place two weeks after Saeran's discharged from the hospital.  
> Note: he's obviously more negative than in the last few chapter. Remember, it's a flashback placed before the suicide attempt so yes, he's on deep shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a short flashback full of fluff in compensation for not writing a proper chapter in a week or so (I'm on exams period, so I can't write for too long)  
> Anyway, enjoy it <3

**SAERAN'S P.O.V**

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

It doesn't matter how much harder I scratch; it won't disappear. I look down to my right arm, swiflty wiping the tears on my eyes; although my skin is red and even bloody in some spots, the black lines are still there. Not a single damage on it. I yell, frustated, violently punching the wall;  pain makes it all fade away for a brief moment.

"Saeran?" I quickly turn arround to bump into (Y/N) wide opened eyes. Fuck, what is she doing here? I silently look down, crossing arms in an attempt to hide the mess I've made.  But she'd saw enough; busybody as she is, I'm sure she'll start nagging arround. But the girl just sighs, bitting her bottom lip.

"Oh, Saeran...What were you doing?"

"You could've knocked, you know. Privacy and all." I moan, trying to change the subject. But she won't give up; I jump back as she reaches my body, shivering at the touch of her warm fingers on my dead-like cold skin. 

"You're bleeding, you idiot." She whispers while shaking her head, a frown growing on her face. My heart shrinks the same annoying way it's been shrinking the last few weeks, and my lungs resist to open, making the lump on my throath to grow bigger. 

"As if I cared" It's not good that she's that close to me, but I stay still. I don't want to make things worse now that she's almost pounding her nails on my arm (not that she actually hurts me; to feel is actualy a relief)

"I. Do." (Y/N) deeply beathes for a moment closing her eyes shut but later, with a softer face, she strokes my cheeks. Doesn't she knows that she's making it worse?. "Saeran, you were trying to get rid of the tattoo, right? But, why?"

"Why? What do you mean, why?" My voice sounds kind of high-pitched as I try to speak. "This fucking thing reminds me of all the wrong I ever did. I even killed people, (y/n)! I'm a monster, and that's the witness of it."

"This is not true! You feeling this way is the proof that you're everything but a monster!" I groan, carefully pushing her away, turning arround. I don't want to see the way her eyes gleam _because of me_ ; I don't deserve it.

"Don't lie to me" I'm tired of it. That's all they ever say. _You're not a monster, Saeran. Saeran, you're not like this._ Even Jumin Han... Even him seems to think that I'm not bad.  _It was not your fault, Saeran._ Damn it, I killed his fucking best friend! Isn't that a reason to hate me? Isn't that a reason to disappear?

I gasp in surprise as I feel the touch of her arms surrounding my body, her breath on my nape. I squeeze my eyes shut as she leans and soflty kisses the ink on my arm. 

"That's why you're always covering your skin, right?" To me, her voice sounds like a melody, one that I want to constantly replay. "You know, I like the tattoo"

"I...I don't understand." I never will. She's so far away from me; she's the light and I'm stucked in the darkness.

"It's a part of you, Saeran. Also, that's a part of the person you were when we first met. Don't be ashamed of it. I love every single spot of you."

I turn arround, a grimace expressing everything I'm holding in, everything that I can't even put on words to express. But she just smiles, the tenderness on it making my insides to stir even more, the softness on her eyes making my heart to jump and pound like a bird inside a cage. I... I don't know how to feel anymore. How dare I to think that I love her if all I do staying at her side is hurting her?

"I haven't seen you in a while..." I whisper, not wanting to keep talking about me. She raise her eyebrows, slightly touching my hair, which it's starting to get too long.

"I sent you a message?" she looks over my shoulder, frowning as she glimpse my phone under a pile of clothes on the desk. "You haven't checked your phone for two days, doesn't you?"

"Don't look at me like if I were a creep! I'm not yet used to this shit" I fluster. Right. If I wanted to know what she was doing, I should have checked my phone. She sighs, shaking her head.

"I was at my friends place. And it's only been two days... not that much of time." Oh.... so she wasn't tired of me after all. What a relief. Before I'm even concioussof it, my arms are enclosed arround her. It's... it's still difficult for me to hug. It's still difficult for me to stay that close to someone. But I feel like wanting to fuse our bodies together. Maybe our hearts were made to be one.

"Anyway, I missed you" Words split out of my mouth. I'm sure she's surprised, as it's not typical of me to say such things. Maybe is because I'm scared of my own feelings that I need to express them out loud. 

"Saeran, I need to ask you something"

I hold my breath, ending the hug and trying to find any clues on what she's thinking about. Did I do something bad? Probably. I almost grunt. "What is it?"

"Well, s-so my friend, the one I visited, she's going to... you know, get married. A wedding." 

I tild my head, clueless. A wedding? Should I congratulate her? No, when there's a wedding, you congratulate the couple not the friends, right?

"So?"

"Would you like to... hmmm.... be my partner?" Be... her... partner? My first reaction is to chuckle. Is she really that stupid to think that i'll step in a place full of people like a wedding? But... shit. Her eyes. They shine with stupid ilusion. I sigh...

what's the point on lying?

I'll enter the hell itself if it was for her.

"Yes." She opens her eyes, her mouth forming an o

"Yes? What do you mean, yes?"

"Yes, yes! And shut up before I change my mind!"

She wraps her arms arround my neck, making us to fall on the bed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Be careful" A dead body can't make it to a wedding!"

 

 


	14. Bun in the oven. (part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I pretty much wanted to write this chapter since the beginning of the fic. Enjoy it, and please, if you liked it, leave a comment with whatever you want to tell me on the comments below.  
> And also, IMPORTANT. I've been thinking for a while about opening comisions for oneshots/fanfics, because I need some money and what I get from working is not enough. If anyone interested, please contact me via e-mail (npralop@gmail.com) or DM me on twitter (I'm writing so we can discuse the details on the fic. I'll write everything.  
> Prices are:  
> 1000 words- 6 dolars/euros (I'm Spanish but I don't care how you pay me)  
> 2000 words- 10 " "  
> 3000 words - 14 " "  
> 4000 words- 18 ""  
> And so, every 1000 words, the price increments 4.  
> Thank you very much for your atention <3

**READER P.O.V**

"Oh... shit"

You blankly stare at the two blue lines that just appeared, your whole world starting to tear apart. Hye whistles, puzzled, and Arya sits on the sink, briefly touching her slightly swollen abdomen.

"Well... You are pregnant." The black haired girl soflty states and you look at her, the shadow of jealousy starting to scratch on your heart. It was so easy for her... Jumin is between excited and crazy about having a baby. You bet your husband won't be that happy with the news. No... you squeeze your eyes shut. Don't be mean to her. It's not her fault. It's not anybody's fault. Hye approaches you, touching your shoulder supportively.

"How will Saeran react? Did you two talked about having... kids?" Kids... the word sounds rough. Of course you talked about it. Many times, indeed. And he has a clear idea of what he doesn't want.

"He... he'll not be happy, for sure. He's not ready... maybe he never will... Oh god, what have I done?" Tears start to flow from your eyes. How in the hell happened? You never stoped taking the pills. "I can't have him breaking down again... He's been doing so good for a while now... I just... I can't"

"Shhhhhht, everything's going to be okay. Don't blame yourself, you know it's senseless." The brown haired girl pats your back while Arya strokes your hair. Her eyes shine tenderly as she kneels beside you. 

"You know, as a doctor, I must say there are other options. " You open your eyes wide. You haven't thought about it... but your heart shrinks fiercely, fighting. You can't... you can't do that. Arya flusters seeing your face. "Hmmm, I wasn't talking just about  _that._ There's also adoption, or-"

"No." You say, shaking your head. "I can't. You know, I'm totally pro-abortion. I never thought about it as something bad. But... It would be selfish right now. I'm totally ready for having a child." The fact that you weren't searching for it makes it even more special... like kind of fate. With every breath, you calm down a little,until you are able to stop trembling and stand up, sighing. Okay, time to face the demons.

"Hye, can you drive me home?"

 

 

"Hon, You're here! I made lunch!"

Saeran takes down the book he was reading, letting it rest on his lap, grining at the sight of you. He's trying so hard to learn as much as posible, and the results are stunningly bright; in just one year, he managed to succesfully pass a few exams and if he keeps the same grades, in one more year he'll graduate from college. Nothing weird keeping in mind that Saeyoung did the same thing; they're both genius. He frowns, his eyes half-closed behind the glasses he uses to read. "You are not fine."

"Point to you. We... we need to talk." You try to keep yourself together, but your voice sounds kind of broken, and you end up biting your lips when the space between his eyebrows wrinkles even more, notoriously scared. 

"Did I... did I do something wrong? Whatever it is, I'm so sorry, (Y/N). Let me-"

"NO! No, no, no, it's nothing like that. I love you." Your insides stirs half relieved when the boy sighs, leaning his head back against the sofa, eased. 

"Don't scare me like that, jeez. I could die, you know. I'm sickly."

"I'm pregnant" That's it. Words slip out from your mouth, and for a fraction of second, the only thing that can be heard is the weak wind escaping out of both your mouths. Then he spins to face you with a chuckle. 

"Okay, give me a rest! You're so funny, but enough with the pranks..." His amber eyes look deeply on yours, full of fear, like asking you for the answer he's wishing to hear. But he already knows the answer. You shake your head feeling emotional again and sit next to him, covering your face with your hands. 

Minutes pass until you're ready to go back to reality.

Saeran is still on the same position, blanckly staring off into space.

He's like a stone.

"Saeran... are you okay?" You stupidly ask. Of course he's not okay. His lips tremble as he talks.

"Just get rid of it." Even though you were expecting him to say that, his ice-cold words are like a kick right on your heart. Is he mad? Is he sad, is he scared? You can't tell. He just keeps avoiding your eyes.

"I'm not getting rid of it." He moans at your statement, starting a complain, but you don't let him talk. "No, you listen to me. Saeran, this was meant to happen. I've already made up my mind. I'm having the baby. You do whatever you want." Saeran's face contracts even more, his eyes sparkling because of the tears he's holding back.

"Oh, so you're now deciding things on your own? You're just going to leave me? YOU PROMISED ME YOU NEVER WILL!" 

The lump on your troath tightens even more, but with a strenght you never knew you had, you manage to keep yourself together. You need to be strong for him. The him that's completly scared of his own fears.

"I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving it, neither. It won't be easy, but we'll get trhough it."

Silence again. He's now strongly breathing, like a locked cat. 

"Saeran, talk to me."

"There's nothing to say"

He's cearly trying to contain himself, which is good. Even so, your vision blurs as he reaches the door, slaming it as he goes out. Before completely getting swept up by tears, you search for your phone, dialing a number. Hye's anxious voice fills the silence.

"(Y/N)? How it went?"

"He's coming."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SOOOOORRYYYYY THIS WAS MEANT TO BE JUST A CHAPTER BUT I JUST DECIDED TO SPLIT IT IN TWO PARTS, because it was going to be so so so so long.  
> Again, I hope you liked it!! I love you all for reading it!  
> Alsoooo, I'm leaving my twitter here in case you want to follow me, ask me something, etc. (@nera_chan)


	15. THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER

I AM SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU ALL BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER  
BUT  
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT MM XMAS SPECIAL?  
I'M RUNNING OUT OF HOURGLASSES SO I CAN'T SKIP TIME BUT I'M ADDICTED I LOVE CHERITZ SO MUCH.  
AND  
SAERAN  
TEXTS YOU!!!!!!!!!  
I'm really excited guys I hope this thing is athe hint that we'll have a Saeran route.  
He haven't texted nor called me yet because I'm just on chat 3 day one (out of two) BUT I CAN'T WAIT  
Also, I'm a little tiny proud because, judging by the spoilers I have seen (even though I try to avoid them), the "official" Saeran resembles mine a lot, we'll see when I can talk to him.  
Well I know you probably thought this was the new chapter, and I'm so sorry... But be a little patient! Today or tomorrow I'll be uploading (this time for real)  
Thank you for reading, as always <3


	16. Bun in the oven (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING, SAERAN AND READER ARE BOTH 24 YEARS ON THIS CHAPTER. That's way too young, I knoww, but I think this way Saeran's feelings are more realistic (If he were older, he would be wiser and less unstable)
> 
>  
> 
> I KNOOOOOOOOOW I SAID I WAS UPLOADING IN A DAY  
> But things just got messy  
> Aaaaaand I also downloaded the mm Xmas special <3 (I'm trying so hard to not waste hg on doing the two days in just one)  
> Anyway, thank you for reading and enjoy the chapter!!!!

**SAERAN P.O.V**

An hour. It's been already an hour since I started wandering arround and the overwhelming strain on my chest shows no will to dimish. I... I don't know how to feel anymore. Betrayed? Sad? Furious? Guilty? It's not really her fault, right? As always, and like a fairy tale, I'm the monster that screws it up. Good job, Saeran. Sure, I am made to be a parent.

A parent. Somehow, the word makes me to shiver from toes to head, and it doesn't feel good at all. Haha...How the hell am I going to be a parent if I can't even control myself, huh? I never wanted to bring a child into this twisted world, fuck it!. Why, to end up like me? I look at the two identicals houses in front of me, and my feet move unconsciously to the left.

I bump into two big amber eyes, shining with joy when they see me.

"SAE SAE!" I sigh when Jae's chubby legs clumsily move towards me, and I awkwardly rub his brown -slightly red-hair.

"Bad timing, lil piece of trash. Where's piece of trash senior?" 

"Gaaaa"  I roll eyes. Of course. He doesn't even know how to shit properly.

"Uh, Saeran, you're finally here. I-I mean..." Hye, who I guess was just a few steps aside from his son, grabs Jae from the floor. I try to avoid her face, because I know she's looking at me with  _those_ eyes; she feels sorry for me and my fucked-up mind.

"Don't pretend that you know nothing. Where's my brother?" She remains silently but with a movement of head indicates me to follow her inside the house. Saeyoung almost jumps out the sofa at the sight of me.

"Saeran!?! Is everything okay? I called you like a thousand times!" 

"Whatever. Just tell me how to fucking be fine with it!" He just frowns, kind of... puzzled?

"What...What are you talking about? I just felt that something was wrong with you and..."

"He knows nothing. (y/n) also learned about it today at Jumin's place, so no one else except Arya and me know." Hye touches Saeyoung arm while sighing. "I should leave you two alone"

So... (y/n) was not hiding it from me. The hands of the guilt gently stroke my heart. "Hye, tell her that I'm okay" The girl nods just before disappearing through the door. She was going to do it anyway. Saeyoung sits again, expectant, and I do the same.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened? What's all about?"

"(y/n) is pregnant" words get out of my mouth rough like an insult, and I can't keep myself together anymore. It's always the same when talking with my twin; he breaks through me and I can't help but feeling like a little kid again, so I just let the tears drop from my eyes, burying my head in my hands, and I feel his hand on my shoulder. We remain like this for a time I can't count, until he clears his troath and I look up to find comfort on his light amber eyes.

"Are you mad?"

"Yes?" My voice breaks, and I feel like I'm going to be harmed by the unstoppable shiver that is shaking my chest. "I... I don't know. I am indeed, but I shouldn't be, right?"

He briefly smiles, patting my head as he used to do when we were little and I started crying for whatever mom did to me. "You are scared as hell."

"Thanks for the news." I snort, ironic, not feeling better at all. 

"Are you afraid of (y/n) not loving you anymore after the child is borned?"

"No! That's... that's not going to happen." Jeez, I havent even thought about it. Bloody hell. This is not even an option. "It's more like... I'm afraid to hurt her. I'm afraid to hurt... the child. I'm afraid of the change that it means and I'm afraid of how I'll feel. I don't know how to react...You know, bad parents history  and all. I wish I was more like you... I don't really want to admit it, but you're such a great father."

His laugh echoes through the room. "I... You know...Don't say stupid things. Don't tell Hye, but when she first told me we were expecting a child, I was as much as scared as you. How to feel good when no one ever taught me what a parent is? But I just keep faking to be happy because I didn't want her to be sad."

"Wow, thanks dude. Don't remind me about how of a shitty husband I am." He flusters at my harsh words, coughing.

"Uh, that's not what I mean! Er, whatever." Again, his eyes get lost, and a dreamy (stupid) grin starts to grow on his face. "But when I first held Jae... it just faded away. All the doubts, all the fears. The very first time his eyes layed on me I knew I was going to love and protect him even if that meant to gave up everything I have, including my life. I know that the reason I borned is him. And you'll feel the same."

"Okay, touching and all, but you haven't really helped me." Actually, he did. It's... it's true. He'd changed for good since Jae's birth. What if... what if he's right? Maybe it's the same for me. Saeyoung already knows I'm slightly relieved, and he softens his voice even more.

"Saeran, think about (y/n). Everything's also new for her; don't you think she's also scared?"

"Ugh, don't. Don't father on me!" My insides stir with shame. "I left her alone. I yelled at her."

The dork whistles, raising his eyebrows. "How bad was it?"

"I told her to abort."

"DUDE!"

"I know!" I sigh. She might be feeling bad... damn it, damn it! I'm such a stupid. "But all I am is a selfish asshole, and all I could think about was that I never wanted kids."

"I can't really blame you for it. And I'm sure she feels the same way about it. She knows every and each side of you." He has a point... I play with the ring on my left hand, a new wave of doubts breaking against my fears.

"Do you... do you think I'll be a good father?"

Saeyoung chuckles, claping his hands. "But, look at you! You're already accepting that you're a father-to-be!" Wa-wait. Am I? I fluster, blocking _those_ thoughts from my mind.

"I am not accepting anything, you dumbass! Just answer the question!"

"Okay, okay. My answer is yes." I can tell that he truly believes so, and a very little tiny part of me feels... excited? "It'll be hard sometimes, but just right now, by calming down so fast, you showed great skills."

I'm still shivering like if it were snowing inside of me, but I can finally breathe. At least I know what to do now. Whatever it happens, whatever doubts I have to face, I know that I won't be alone. And I know that she needs me as much as I need her. I stand up, wiping the last trace of tears on my face.

"I'm going home now." Saeyoung proudly smiles, noding, and before crossing the door, I turn arround one last time.

"Saeyoung?"

"Yes?" He looks at me kind of expecting something... Wait... what? I see, he wants me to be grateful... ha. Keep dreaming, boy.

"Can I borrow a few flowers from your garden?"

 

 

**READER P.O.V**

What is he doing? You can't help but worrying. It's been a while since Hye texted you saying that he'd arrived. You discard the idea of him getting lost or hurt on the way beucase he's literally one step left away from home. Okay, calm down. He probably needs time. Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and you run towards the door to bump into a smiling Saeran holding a bouquet of garden flowers.

"I'm sorry for being the worst husband ever"

"Oh, thanks god" You whisper while tightly hugging him. He's both physically and mentally fine.

"Hey, it's not your turn to be mad at me for being such an asshole?" He gently pushes you away, his amber eyes tenderly sparkling as they set on yours.

"I do! I'm so mad that you brought me flowers instead of a burguer." You peck his lips but it turns into a deep kiss, your back on the wall, his arms imprisioning you. With every caress, with every time your tongues touch, he tacitly states a sorry and you silently say you forgive him. But, after a while (and at your distaste), he stops; he looks at you with a frown on his face and you sigh, smiling, moving away a lock of red hair stucked on his forehead.

"Yes, Saeran?"

"Regardless of what you may think or fear, you'll be a good mother." You fluster at his words, feeling the blush on your cheeks.

"Wha-what is that about?" 

He grins, shaking his head. "I just want you to be happy, my princess." He nervously looks down at your abdomen. You can tell he's not as fine as he pretends he is; he must be feeling complicated for sure. Just like you. But your heart eagerly jumps when he soothingly touches your tummy.

"So right here there's a kind of mixture of the two, huh?" He whispers, looking as surprised as yourself for what he just did. You chuckle.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much sure of it." 

 "But, why is your tummy not like a ball or something?" He tilts his head, mildly surprised, double blinking when you burst into laughs. "What???? Stop it already!"

"It's going to grow as the baby does!" You can't stop; you merely believe he really asked you that. 

"Ah, I see...The baby..." He repeats the word slowly, notoriously overwhelmed by all the emotions you're sure are eating him alive. But you'll go through it. You wipe your eyes, tearful of joy, and give him your best smile.

"Yes, the baby. Our baby."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I'M PRETTY PROUD OF THIS CHAPTER AND I DON'T KNOW WHY AAAAAAAAAAH  
> I'm currently doing Saeyoung's christmas route and I ove him so much, so I loved to write about him being a parent. I'm sure he'll be the best parent ever.  
> Next chapter will be about the whole baby thing again; I'm planning on doing a chapter FULL OF FLUFF about little scenes during the whole pregancy and birth, like just one chapter with time skips.  
> AND I WANT TO WRITE NAUGHTY SMUT AGAIN so in lik two chapters or so I'll do a little throwback <3  
> And finally I think this fanfic will be over in 5 chapters or so, and I just realized this is chapter 17!!!!! I writed too much hahahaha  
> thank you for reading <3 AND PLEASE, IF YOU LIKED IT LEAVE A COMMENT. This way I can know if I'm doing great or I need to change something <3


	17. Tale of a pregnancy (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The idea is to write various situations during the pregnancy, from the first ultrasound until the birth/first days, so it's kind of a multichapter chapter. BE PREPARED FOR A LOOOOOOT OF FLUFF.  
> I'm doing a two part chapter again because it's going to be so long I'M SORRY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!~  
> I'm so so so soory for the delay, to be honest I wanted to write this chapter for so long but I've been so busy with all the festivities (here we celebrate christmas Eve, Christmas day, the day after Christmas- called Saint Steve-, New Years Eve, New Years day AND the 5 and 6 of january -as well as Santa Claus, we celebrate the "arrival" of the three kings, which means looooots of presents again and more family dinners-)  
> OKAY and after that short culture time, and actually doing a note about the chapter, I've never been pregnant (I'm just 18 years old lol) but I have four little siblings, the last one being just 2 years old, so I remember quite well his whole pregnancy. And also I'm searching for information so I hope the chapter is accurate lmao.  
> ANYWAY I ALWAYS END TALKING TOO MUCH hop you like it, enjoy <3

**Two bundles of joy**

You can't help but chuckling seeing the red-haired boy strolling in circles over the small dark room, muttering and grumbling until he (finally) sits on the chair next to the stretcher you're on. He gives you a nervous smile, eyes flickering from your face to your tummy.

"When will the doctor make an appearence? We've been waiting for hours!"

You laugh, tenderly rubbing his hand. "Hon, it's just been minutes. Relax."

He pouts, crossing arms, but jerks up when the door opens. "Finally!"

You glare at him, giving an apologetic grin to the blond woman, that answers you with an understanding laugh.

"(Y/N)... right? The Choi family" She says, reading the papers she brought with her. You nod, your heart jumping a little as you hear the word family. "Okay, so let's see the little human you're baking in there!"

You bit your bottom lip, nervously searching for your husband eyes, which are anxiously looking at the tube on the doctor's hands. You shiver when the cold substance makes contact with your skin.

"Is it cold?" he whispers, squeezing your hand.

"Yes, it is. But it's not going to harm her, you know. It's to garantee the quality of the image." The doctor answers for you, starting to touch your belly with the ultrasound scanner. Saeran tries to glimpse the image on the screen, and you stare at the doctor's face, looking for any expressions to worry about. But she just smiles, and a kind of fast drumming starts to echo.

"What is this?" You politely ask, fearing that it's not a good thing, and the woman laughs (earning a glare from the boy).

"No need to worry; this is the baby's heart. Seemingly, everything's alright." Suddenly, the drumming increases "Aaaand here's the other one!"

You open your eyes wide, slightly dizzy, but a stupid smile thoroughly growing on your face. "The other one?"

"Oh, I see. It's your first ultrasound, right?" She turns the screen so you both can see it; two spot-like things sporadically jump over the grey image. "You're nine weeks pregnant with twins. Congrats!"

The tiny things suddenly jump all at once, and you let out a chuckle. Your things... your two bundles of joy. You never thought about the possibility of having twins, but now that it's a fact, you feel it's perfect. Like it was meant to be. Saeran clears his throat, and you remember he's still on your side; when you raise your eyes from the screen, you notice he's three or four tones more pale.

"Tw-twins?"

 

It's cold outside. Saeran is still strongly holding the picture of the babies, staring at it like searching for answers. You caress his left cheek, and his big amber eyes meet yours.

"I was already freaked out at one baby, but two! I'm a dead man!"

"You scared, pussy cat?" You fake a pout, placing your arms arround his neck. Beeing that close, you can see his lips slighty trembling.

"Yes, as hell" He hugs you back, sighing. "It must be fate. Saeyoung will be touched."

"I am touched too." You smile, comforting him. "What about you, father to be?"

"Ugh, don't call me that. I'm still assimilating it." You frown, glaring at him, and he laughs for your surprise. "But I'm kind of... happy too. Yes... Happy."

Now that he's said it, his eyes soften, sparkling tenderly, and he touches your nose with hims. Wiping the tears from your eyes, he adds, amused "And you heard the doctor. No innecessary efforts. From now on, I'm going to take care of you, my princess."

 

** Shopping **

"Again, what is he doing here?"

Saeran glares at the white-haired boy, who answers with an overconfident smirk. You sigh. It's not that  _Grumpy tomato_  hates Zen -In fact, he low key likes him a lot-, but he can't stand his narcissism, so they always end up fighting. Nothing to worry about, though; your husband likes to nag arround.

"Well, I have no idea of boy clothes, and neither do you. So Zen ofered himself for advise, and I think it's a pretty good idea." He snorts for all answer, and Zen touches your slightly swollen abdomen, smiling and faking a high-pitched voice.

"Yes, let uncle Zen save you two from the fashion dark side."

"Yet you're not able to find yourself  a girlfriend" Zen complains at Saeran's harsh statement but he ignores him and dishevels your hair, lightly miffed. "And who says I'm bad at fashion?"

You enarch an eyebrow, chuckling. "Darling, you once wore a suit with a choker for Christmas."

Zen looks from you to the ginger boy, mouth opened. "You can't be serious. Tell me you didn't"

"I HAVE A PRETTY UNIQUE SENSE OF FASHION, OKAY?" He then crosses arms, mumbling. "I'm just unfairly misunderstood."

"Whatever." You playfully punch his shoulder, but your attention is drawn to the baby clothes section. You grab a tiny little orange jumper, a dreamy smile starting to appear on your face. Just a week ago, Saeran and you learnt that you were expecting boys; identicall twins, they said. You can't wait to see what they'll look like; hopefully, they'll be a miniature version of your husband and Saeyoung. You feel Saeran's arms on your stomach; he's holding you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder and looking at the piece of clothing.

"It's very very tiny..." He really sounds amazed, looking over the huge amount of clothes. He points at a  withe piece. "What is this?"

"Hmmmm... I don't know?" It looks weird; how the hell is this supposed to be worn?

"This is a body, you two dumbasses doves! Now I'm seriously worried for the well-being of my nephews. You're worse than Saeyoung. "He then unfolds the so called body, doing a brief explanation of how it works. "See? the baby's head goes here."

"Zen! How do you know that much?" You're speechless and terribly ashamed while Saeran just frowns, bewildered, thinking who knows what.

"Don't look at me like that! I once did a comercial with baby clothes, so I learned a lot." He flusters when the other boy looks at him with his eyes opened, smirking and chuckling. "No, no! The father, I appeared as the father! Please, stop it!"

"Okay, okay, fine, you can help! Show me the way through this nightmare." Saeran says with a heavy heart, sighing and making Zen to proudly blink.

"Your wish has been heard out loud, young man!"

 

  **Cravings**

Saeran is deeply sleeping on his side of the bed, his mouth slightly opened. You fight with the guilt while caressing his messy hair, and when he mumbles and stirs, you gently shake him.

"Saeran, Saeran!"

"Whaaaaaaaat?" He groans, covering his eyes with his left arm, but after a few seconds suddenly sits up, anxiously looking at you. "Is something wrong with you or the babies?"

"No, no, everything's fine." The guilt increases and you smile at him, who flops back on the bed.

"You scared the hell out of me" says the ginger head, deeply breathing. He looks at the clock on the night table and grumbles. "It's not even 5 a.m, (y/n)"

"I know, I know, but..." You play with your thumbs, suddenly ashamed. "Hmm, you know, the hot chocolate that was on the kitchen cupboard, have you seen it?"

He looks at you frowning, seemingly lost, until he opens his mouth forming a circle. "Oh. Yes, cravings." He then yawns, touching his disheveled hair. "I'm sorry hon, I finished it yesterday. We can go tomorrow morning to some place and eat it, okay? Now, come and sleep."

He opens the eiderdown for you to come in but you stay still, pouting and crossing your arms.

"Why the hell did you ate it? I was going to eat hot chocolate with marshmallows, but of course, you've ate it! I can't sleep if I'm hungry!"

Saeran resoundingly sighs, closing his eyes shut. "Do you really need that fucking chocolate _right now_?

"Yes..." All traces of irritation fade away when you watch him standing up, still half sleep, starting to search for his clothes. You whisper a sorry, and he just rolls eyes.

"I think there's a 24 hours convenience store near... You wait here." He looks at you skeptical, shaking his head and handing you a blanket while pecking your lips when he walks towards you. "Cover yourself, dummie, you're going to get cold"

 

You're happily preparing a mug of hot chocolate when someone hugs you from behind.

"What a selfish bitch you are; just one? What about me?" Saeran whispers next to your ear and you laugh, soflty patting his head.

"Saeran! I thought you were going to sleep again" He's usually cranky on the morning, specially being that early; you can't help but be surprised at how he'd improved, being able to joke arround and smile like a normal human despite being so broken inside.

"Uh? And miss a choice of eating marshmallows hot chocolate? Are you kidding me?" He stoles a marshmallow from your mug and eats it, chewing pompously.

"You dork!" You chuckle, pouring a second mug, but you rise an eyebrow when you notice he's still wearing his coat. "Don't wear it at home!"

"What?!? You're starting to sound like a mother, babe." He earns a punch from you and, with a guffaw, he raises his hands "Okay, give me a break! I just thought we could see the sunrise together at the porch with the damned hot chocolate."

You tirl your head towards the window; it's true. The sun is starting to draw purple and orange clouds on the sky. You smile, touched, and nod, receiving a big grin from your husband.

"Okay, wifey, put on a coat!" You suddenly stop; you felt something on your belly. Was it...  a soft punch from inside? You leave the two mugs on the table, bewildered, raising your hand to your stomach.

"What happens?" Saeran frowns, tilting his head.

"The babies. I think they just moved."

"What?" Again, you feel the same kick, now two times in a row. You giggle, wiping the tears that are starting to form on your eyes; until now, all you could notice was a brief tickle, but this time are real kicks. You look at your sweet and now surprised lover, who is cautiously analizing your face.

"Put a hand on my tummy, c'mon!"

He does as said and lets out a surprised "oh" when he feels the babies, followed but an incredulous laugh. "They're moving. Our babies, they are moving and kicking and all!"

"Yes, they are" You can't help but smiling; it's probably the first time he realizes for real that he's a father-to-be, and your heart warmly shrinks at the scene; you're already a family, and nothing that happened before matters now. Above a stem full of thorns there's always a rose.

He looks at you with a gleam on his amber eyes, excited and stupidly chuckling, and bends down to place his ear on your bulky abdomen.

"Be good and don't be late, little monkeys. Daddy is dying to know you".

 

 


	18. "Put some fucking clothes on"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)  
> My sinner self is awaken :))))  
> SMUT SMUT AND SMUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES I KNOW THIS IS NOT A SECOND PART  
> But I'm going to take a lil break from fluff to write this short short thing. Next chapter is the second part of chapter 17 I promise! (just wait two more days or so... I'll try to update as soon as posible)  
> GOD 707 FORGIVE ME FOR I HAVE SINNED

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since the word "sex" has been even mentioned in your house. Your pathetically over-protective and former-sex-maniac husband won't lay a single finger on you out of fear -"what if I hurt you or the babies?"-. He won't listen to you even though you asured him thousands of times that the doctor said it was perfectly fine. But you can't live like this anymore; today, you're determined to put an end to this stupid situation you're in and no one's going to stop you.

You sigh, giving yourself a look on the mirror, briefly smirking. Even though your stomach stupidly resembles a balloon, it's not yet too big to be a problem. Your whole body is still thin and fit, highlighted by the black  _and sexy_ lingerie you're wearing. Yup, even though you know well how of a hellish stubborn he is, there's no human way he's going to reject you. Chuckling, you head toward the computer room, moving your hips undully. Saeran's typing and frowning, focused on the screen.

"Sa-e-ran" Your low sensual voice has an inmediat effect on him; the boy stares at you, eyes wide opened.

"W-what are you doing?"  _Touché_. You can tell by the way he swallows and squeezes his fists that his attention is not on work anymore. You slowly approach him and, leaning against the table, you start to trace a line on his chest with your finger.

"Well... I think we could have a little bit of fun  here..." He looks down at your finger, tightening his lips, and then his eyes briefly stop on your breasts, making him to blink and shake his head.

"NO! I'm busy! Leave me alone, you slut!" He says, irritated, moving your hand away and pretending to be working again. "And put some fucking clothes on." 

You pout annoyed but, not willing to give up, you enclose him with your arms from behind; leaning, you put your mouth next to his ear and whisper "Oh, but I'm so wet... You sure you don't wanna do some nasty things to me?" His lips open, trembling,  and his breath is way more heavier than before.

 "N-no..." He spectacularly fails at sounding convinced, but he's not looking at you. "What the hell is wrong with you, uh? I said no!"

"Oh, I think your little friend has something to say about it, too..." You giggle, looking down at the growing bulge on his pants. He moans, cursing, and you tighten you arms arround him. "Or maybe I could just touch myself while you-"

"DAMN IT!" He yells, abruptly getting up and facing you, his eyes no longer bright; they're dimmed with a fervent desire. "You're a nasty girl, don't ya?"

"Yes" You smile, groaning with pleasure when his tongue breaks through your mouth, fiercely moving, requiring. Your body answers arching, and you tangle your hands on his hair.

"So you wanna play" It's not a question; by now, he has already imprisioned you against the wall, and without ceasing to kiss and bite your lips, he anxiously pulls out his shirt and pants. Straightaway, the boy grabs your wrists, pulling them up on top of your head so he's in total control. "Stay still" He mutters under his flatered breathe.

He begins with your jaw line; slowly, he kisses and licks and bites without hesitation. Then, he lets go of your wrists to get rid of your bra. You moan when you feel his tongue on your left nipple and his mischievous eyes set on yours, knowing full well that the growing and warming  sensation inside of you is starting to give shivers all above your spine. Going over your stomach, he rubbs your zone with his nose, inhaling, and with a quick movement of hands, he takes your panties out, a troathy chuckle coming out of his mouth "Oh, so you are already wet for me... could it be that you're dying to have my dick deep inside you, babe?"

"Shut up and hurry up, you talkative moron" you grumble, closing your eyes as he begins to lick, your hands still up. His fingers are pounded into the skin on your waist, and, letting out a small shriek out of pleasure, you take down your arms to grab and pull his hair.

"I-I'm going to-"

"Not yet" For yours and your body's displeasure, Saeran goes up again, almost out of breathe and with a wild look that makes you to tremble from toes to head. He kisses your mouth once, and still with your lips close by, he asks

"You sure it's okay?"

"Yes" More than an aswer, your moan sounds like a demand. Thriumphaly smirking, he swiflty turns you down, so you're now facing the wall with his hands grabbing yours, making you unable to move. You can feel his big erection from behind and, as he places his mouth next to your ear, he whispers with a husky voice, giving you goosebumps.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be unable to walk for a week, babe"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a slut I'm sorry


	19. Tales of a pregnancy part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> First, I want to thank you for reading it. Writers don't always get the recognition they deserve, so I'm really gratefull because I know it's difficult to achieve the number of kudos, comments and views this fanfic has. I know that I said that I'll upload quickly, and I'm sorry! But please, keep in mind that I do it for free and, even though I love writing this fanfic a lot, I have other interests and occupations, plus this week I started Uni again after winter break. And I also work a few days per week. So I'm sorry but I can't always find the time to write.  
> Anyway, here's the new chapter, and don't worry, it's not the last one! I'll try to upload again as soon as I can, okay?  
> Also, please, leave a comment saying if you liked the fic/chapter and share your thoughts (also, if you have any suggestion, I would like to read whatever you have to say and apport). As I've said, I don't get payed for it, so a comment makes me really happy <3  
> PD: Would you like me to make a "some facts about me" on the next chapter notes? Personally, I always get curious about the writers/artists, like how they look like and if they're boys or girls and stuff like this.

**Lullabies**

A faint but visible light flickers, making you to open your eyes. Stiring, you search for your husband; he's not on his side of the bed.

"Saeran?" You whisper, touching your prominent stomach. Why is he up at 3 a.m? Nightmares, again? You sigh, waking up and searching for a blanket to keep you warm. The cold floor tickles the sole of your feet as you walk towards the living room.

Saeran, sitting in front of a laptop, fussily writes on a notebook whit his headphones on.

"What are you doing?" You gently touch his shoulder, making him to leap in surprise. When he realizes is you standing there, his eyes soften, but he fakes a glare.

"Would you ever stop startling me, stupid girl of mine?" Despite of his harsh words, he opens his arms wide, so you sit on his lap, allowing him to cradle you, resting your head on his chest. You frown as you glance the screen.

"Lullabies?" You look up at him, whose fair face is slightly red, a smile playing on his lips.

"Yes... You know, Mommy-I mean, my mother-never sang us lullabies, so I thought it would be a good idea to learn a few... I'll sing them for the babies"

"Oh, Saeran..." You caress his left cheek, trying to breathe trhough the lump on your troath. His past... it's still hard for you to understand everything he's been through. "You'll be a good father, my love"

"Not only a good father; Apparently, I own the huge responsibility of being the cool parent" The boy pecks the top of your head, chuckling. You raise an eyebrow.

"The cool parent? I mean, between you and I?"

"Ahá" He nods, and your esckeptical look grows bigger. Time to bitch arround, you guess.

"I had to paint your nails black. Everyday. Because you cried out of frustration every fucking time you tried, 'cause you screwed it." He flusters at your words, snorting and disheveling your hair.

"Wh-why are you bringing it now? Let the past on the past!"

"So" you inquire, playfully tangling  a lock of red hair with your fingers "Do I have to remember you how yesterday-"

"FINE!" He interrupts you, shaking his head. You chuckle and surround his neck with your arms while he keeps talking, giving up "Fine. We can both be cool parents"

  **Room issues**

"You won't believe it!"

Saeran enters the room and, sitting on the rocker with his legs crossed, starts reading outloud the newspaper on his hands. His voice is fairly high-pitched, an annoyed accent on it.

"<<The Prime Minister is going to be a first time grandfather>>. Wow, congratulations, Dad!"

Oh. So it was so. You put down the paper you were looking at and, carefully appraising the situation, you let out a small sigh. "Saeran..."  
The boy bitterly giggles, looking at you with his anxious eyes. He talks fast, ironic angry words sliping out of his mouth.

"Okay, you know what? I'm going to write him a letter. Hello, Daddy. Remember the twins you tried so hard to kill? Yes, it's me, the fucked up one! Well, I'm writing you to announce that a) we're both alive b) you're already a grandfather and c) do me a favour and kill yourself. Pd: I'm a hacker and I can fuck you up whenever I want. Bye."

He resoundingly snorts and you can't help but soflty laughing, earning a glare from the boy. "What? Am I a buffoon or something?"

"No, you idiot. You're just adorable" You approach him, serious all of a sudden, and caress his cheek. "That fat old man... I would kill him myself with my bare hands. I hate him."

His eyes shine, an amused spark on them. "Hey, that's my line, sweetie. Since when are you so pushy?" He looks down at your stomach and places a hand on it, his normally loud voice becoming a whisper. "I just feel sorry for them, you know. They won't have grandparents."

"I know, honey." You lean towards him, grabing his face with your hands. "But don't worry about them. They have the whole RFA, which means a bunch of annoying uncles that won't let him rest for a second." 

He nods, a big grin starting to grow on his lips, and you internally sigh, relieved. His attention is now drawn to the paper on your hands. "What is it?"

"Oh, that" You hand it to him so he can see the paint marks on it. "I was trying to decide which color would fit better on the babies room."

"I feel hurt. Weren't we going to decide it together?" He fakes to be offended, but you won't fall for it and, pecking his lips, you steal the paper from him.

"We are still deciding it together. I'm just doing my homework." You take a look at the big room, still half empty (two cribs and shelves full of all sorts of things are the only mobiliare you've brought so far). "What do you think about yellow?"

"Yellow? Ugh, don't. It's like vomit."

"Regular vomits aren't yellow." You cross your arms, staring at his challenging look. "Okay, so any suggestion, Mr interior designer?"

"Mmm... Red?"

"No. Too flashy."

"Fuck it, my hair is red! You're basically attacking me."

"Shut up, Strawberry Douche." You look at the window, thoughtful. The sky is beautiful today...A sudden idea clicks on your mind. "Got it!"

"Blue!" He says at the same time, and you both burst into laughs. "How comes it never occured to me?"

"A pale blue. We can even paint some clouds on it"

"Yes, it's perfect" He is now hugging you from behind, his soft breath tickling your ears. "I-love-you."

"Honey, you know, it wasn't in the list, but-"

"Yeah, I brought the frigging cucumbers" 

"I love you too."

 

 

** Bitchy hormones **

"Saeran, what is it?"

Saeran, sitting on the couch, stuffes a bunch of sweets on his mouth. 

"Licorice" You roll eyes as he deals with keeping the food on his mouth while talking.

"I mean  _this"_ Pointing at the variety of bags surrounding him, you put on the best skeptical face you can. He just keeps chewing unconcerned, turning the TV on.

"Oh, that. There were sales everywhere, honey. Look at this!" He grabs a huge can, and thoroughly smiling, shows you what's inside. "We'll have chocolate for the rest of our lives! Isn't it great?"

"You'll finish the whole thing before tomorrow night." You sigh, grasping an ice-cream shaped cushion. "Was it necessary?"

"Yup, it's cute. There's a popcorn machine over here, too. Amazing, I know." He proudly smiles, earning a shake of head from you. 

"Well, where did you put the groceries?" His eyes widen, and he swiflty swallows. His lips thightens on his << _shit-I-screwed-up >> _face. "You brought them, right Saeran?"

  
"I may have forgotten about it." He innocently smiles. God. You press the arch of your nose, squeezing your eyes shut while he stands up, coming to you"B-but look at how many candy we've got now!"

  
"Saeran, we can't replace REAL food with sweets! The fridge is empty! Gosh..."

"Wow, are you mad at me? Relax, we can order some food or something until tomorrow..." He tries to reach your hand, but you stupidly cross your arms.

"You know what upsets me the most? That you insist on doing everything on your own and then you can't do a thing right!"

"Hey" He frowns, slightly worried. "That's not fair. I do it because you're swollen like a baloon, and you know, I'm really trying my best."

"Yes, I'm swollen like a balloon! I'm fat and ugly and I move like a fucking robot because my body is not mine anymore!" You pout and this time, when he puts his arms arround your body you embrace him, starting to sobb like a little child.

"Hey hey hey, who said something about being ugly, silly?" The boy tenderly strokes your long hair. "I'll make it up okay? Let's sit."

He guides you and makes you to sit on the couch, starting to massage your back with his thin but strong hands.

"I'm sorry" Your voice is just a whisper and, still sobbing, you sniffle, wiping your eyes. "I'm a bitch"

"Yes, you're a bitch." His voice is so soft that makes you feel bad and you can't help but starting to whine again.

"Why are you not yelling at me? I did not meant to say those things, at least be mad!"

"I read a lot of pregnancy books, so I know your slutty hormones are playing with your senses." He's sttoped rubbing your shoulders so you lean back at him, whose fingers are drawing circles on your stomach. " Also, I used to yell you a lot. You're spiting rainbows compared to what I said"

"Don't be stupid" you mutter, suddenly smiling when one of the babies answers at Saeran's caress. "The little monkeys are up."

"Yeah. It won't be long until we meet, little lads." Your heart shrinks with anticipation at the times that are just about to come. "Hm, (y/n), what about the names?"

"You made a list, right? I made one, too. We can share the names if you want, and..."

"No... Can we wait until we see their faces?" He shrinks his shoulders, sighing." I want to make sure that the names fits them."

Craning your neck, you kiss his left cheek.

" Of course, babe. And what about we both chosing a name? We'll have two boys, after all."

"You sure about that? Can I choose a name? Do you thing it'll be right?" His eyes shine with excitement. Saeran... he's so insecure about the things he does. Again, you feel like crap for what you've said before and, spining, you face him, siting on his lap.

"Of course it is." You search for his lips, his tongue welcoming yours whit warmth. "But do not name him Stinky."

"And what about Bean?"

"Oh, shut up, douche"

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS TOO FLUFF JFDGEFJGITTJEFGHKTRJF I LOVE IT  
> Okay as I said, it's not the last chapter so just wait.  
> ALSO, THIS IS IMPORTANT: I'm not an english native and I don't live in an english speaker country, so if you find something that makes no sense, feel free to write a comment so I can fix it. I aways try to read every chapter several times, even after uploading, but help is always welcomed.  
> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it!


	20. Valentine's Day (throwback)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little throwback at the first Valentine's Saeran and reader spent together (few months after his release from the hospital)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been a while, right? I'm sorry, but as I've said before, my schedule is pretty busy so I can't find the time to write. Anyway, here you got another chapter! And to mend the delay, I'll post tw chaptrs this week (expect them to be two days or so apart)  
> This one is a fluff about the first Valentine's Day Saeran gets to celebrate.  
> Enjoy it! Remember to leave a comment so I can know that you liked it (and anything you want to ask/share is welcomed!)  
> Love you all <3

"Saeran! What are you doing here?"

Without even waiting for your permission, Saeran crosses the door and heads towards the couch, wrapping himself in a blanket and leaving you speechless at the hall.

"It's so fucking cold outside, damn it!" His amber gaze fixes on you, a grumpy frown between his eyebrows. "What's with that face? Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Yes, I am!" You sigh, getting rid of your coat while you walk in his direction. "I was just about to leave to your home. Again, what are you doing here?"

"My idiot brother kicked me out so he could fuck with Hye all night long. And where else would I go?" The boy tilts his ginger head, and his lips become somewhat a pout. "What do you mean by leaving to my home? I told you I did not want to celebrate that shitty thing for couples. You're such a pain in the ass, girl."

"Yeah, whatever, you dummie" You mutter, sitting and throwing a small box at him, who's catched unprepared and jumps. "Happy Ordinary Day. It was a surprise."

Saeran, eyes shinning like those of a child on Christmas morning, unwraps the gift and faintly smiles at the sight of a bunch of chocolate. "Wow, so you actually bought me something."

"Of course I bought you something" You giggle, slightly punching him on his left shoulder. "You know, I actually don't mind you don't wanting to do a big thing today. I'm happy you came here."

"Yeah... I'm starting to feel sorry for you." You narrow your eyes; what does it mean? And why is he glancing at you every two seconds?

"Something's wrong, Saeran?"

"No..." He shakes his head and takes a deep breathe, muttering something for himself. "Well, you know, I think yesterday I left my jumper at your room. Can you go search for it?"

"Saeran, I just sat. It's that important?" You look at him with a menacing gaze, but all he does is crossing his arms, averting yours eyes.

"Yes. I love my jumper."

"Marry it, then. And you know well the way to my room, don't you?" You're starting to lose your nerves, but you know he won't give up.  _Stubborn strawberry head._

"I'm a boy! I just can't search into girl stuff like that!" His voice is now kind of high-pitched, even more loud than usual. Perfect; he's getting mad.

"You don't mind touching my things at all, you liar." Rolling eyes, you stand up, disheveling his red soft hair when passing by him. With your hand already on the doorknob, you spin, enarching an eyebrow."

"Why are you following me?"

"Just open the damned door!"

"Okay, just-Oh..."

Your room, normally poorly decorated, is now filled with balloons and flowers. Above the bed, a set of faint lights hangs and light up three small boxes. A music (guitar strings, maybe) starts to play, and you turn arround to bump into Saeran's expecting eyes, that are wide open trying to analyze the look on your face. ( **Author note: the song is "When you say nothing at all, if you want to listen while reading, I'll put the link here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsbkk4SZAqA  The words in black are the song's lyrics.)**

"And well? W-what do you think?"

"I'm... I am at lost of words"

**_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart._ **

He's now shyly smiling, a proud gleam on his amber gaze. You giggle, trying to hold the tears that are menacing to fall. Oh, your broken silly Saeran... it has to be difficult for him, to do this kind of stuff.

**_WIthout saying a word, you can light up the dark._ **

The boy hesitantly offers you his thin hand.

"Shall we dance, (y/n)?"

You nod and, moving closer, you both start to swing.

_**Try I as may, I could never explain what I hear when you don't say a thing** _

Lowering his head so his lips tickles your left hear, he speaks, his voice breaking.

"That's... that's how I feel about you. I'm sorry I'm not good at words."

"You idiot... I don't need words."

_**The smile on your face lets me know that you need me.** _

_**There's a truth in your eyes, saying you'll never leave me.** _

Yes. You are never going to leave him. He... you can't actually believe he's made something that romantic for you. It kind of surprises you but, at the same time, you feel like your chest is going to explode from happiness. So, tightening the embrace, you whisper:

"So, that it means you're finally aknowledging my love for you?"

Saeran pulls back his head, taking a deep breathe. But when he slowly looks down at you again, something in his expression has changed. No pain, no anxiety, no more doubts and fears. His big grin shines with somewhat close to happiness.

"I think so."

_**The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall.** _

_**You say it best,** _

_**When you say nothing at all.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so short but whatever hope you joyed it, leave a comment!  
> PS: HAVE YOU PLAYED MYSTIC MESSENGER'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL? I DID  
> AND  
> OMG


	21. Costume party (throwback)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JUST ANOTHER THROW BACK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY LUVS  
> I'm sorry to do another throwback when I should be following the story line, but I just can't help myself :') You know, in just a few days, on my country (Spain) and many other we'll be celebrating carnival, a fest where people disguise and all that stuff. SO IT JUST CAME TO MY MIND: Saeran being compelled to disguise. Something I can't just let go. So here I am, enjoy this lil chapter my dear buds <3  
> PS: Also I know I'm a walking ass bother but pretty pleeeeease leave a comment so I can know you're happy with the fic and let me know what you think about it. Thank you I love you.  
> PS2: WOW 500 KUDOS THANK YOU SO MUCH I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT DUDE

**THIS IS A THROWBACK, NOT FOLLOWING THE STORYLINE. SAERAN'S STILL LIVING WITH SAEYOUNG AND IT'S NOT BEEN MUCH SINCE HE WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL**

**S** **aeran:** When are you coming?

 **(Y/N):** I told you I'm on my way ~ Stop asking!

 **Saeran:** Not my problem your fat ass can't manage to go faster.

 **(Y/N):** Not my problem your brain can't manage to work.

 **Saeran:**...

 **Saeran:** Whatever.

 **Saeran:** It's late you know

 **Saeran:** You better get here safe

 **(N/Y):** Why don't you come out and greet me with a kiss?

You let out a small giggle; knowing how easily he gets flustered, he must be either as red as his hair or swiflty moving his thick lips while cursing on you. Probably both.

 **Saeran:** Huh

 **Saeran:** Well, does it mean you're here????

 **Saeran:** Yes, right? 

Shaking your head, you turn off the phone, waiting for Saeran to open the door with a smirk that quickly becomes an irrepressible laughter when you think about the faces he'll make when he sees you like this. The sound of his footsteps intensifies and you don't have to wait too long until his amber eyes meet yours.

"W-what the hell, (y/n)?"

"Tada!"

His expression shifts from incredulity to bewilderment and incredulity again while his eyebrows almost gather together and his top lip bends with annoyance.

"No. Explain. Why are you dressed like a fucking mouse? It's not even sexy. It's gross."

"It's cute!" You try to defend yourself, doing your best for not to burst into laughs and praying for Saeyoung to make his appearence. 

"It's that a prank? It is,right?" Then he rises his head and lowers his voice. "It was you, Saeyoung? I don't like pranks."

"It's not a prank, brother!" At last! Waving your hand you welcome Saeyoung, who's stucked into an astronaut disguise he himself has created. Saeran, now with his mouth slightly opened, stares at his twin for a few seconds before swiftly turning his head back to you. 

"You... what the... are you fucking going nuts? Did I fucking missed something here?" You can tell he's befuddled by the way he repeatidly raises his hands to pull back his hair. 

"Yes! You be ready, for we are heading to Jumin's big costume party!"

"You have a costume, too, of course" You add, earning for all response a closed door which Saeyoung, wearing an apologetic grin, hurries to open. 

"NO." For a brief moment, you regret your idea of trying to go to the party with him. The now mad boy walks towards the coach but tuns arround, squeezing his hands and trying to control himself. His skin, pale per se, is now death white, and his eyes are clearly trying to avert you and his brother. "There's no fucking way I'll go into a hellish costume party."

"C'mon brother! You like to disguise!" 

"But I don't like parties! And fucking Christ, I only disguised myself to hurt others. I won't call it a hobby!"

You touch Saeyoung arm, shaking your head. Okay. Now is your turn. Giving Saeran a sweet smile (that surely catchs him off guard) you talk, approaching him.

"Saeran... we talked with your therapist. He thinks it will be good for you."

"Fuck this man" He twirls his head, looking away, but you know he's listening. So you slowly raise your hand until your fingers faintly touch his soft red hair.

"It'll be fun...you can't lock yourself inside forever. And I'll go anyway so having a partner will help with keeping the boys away." You got him. Bitting his bottom lip and letting out a deep breathe that feels more like a snort, he squeezes his eyes.

"There'll be icecream, right?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Fine! I might go." narrowing his eyes towards you, he kind of moans, touching the ear headband on your hair. "But, a mouse? Am I a mouse, too?"

"No! You're a cat!" Saeyoung happily shows him the costume, and you have to cover your mouth to stifle a giggle. He's probably regreting his  _half decision_.

"A-a cat?"

 "So, is Hye an astronaut too?" Feeling the need to change the subject before Saeran runs to his room, you ask Saeyoung, who laughs and shakes his head, amused.

"Not at all! And I'm not just any astronaut. I'm Neil Armstrong."

"Dude, no. No." Saeran's face is now a grimace of disgust, looking at his brother quizzically. "Don't tell me Hye's the moon."

"One point for you, my fav brother. You're correct."

"Oh man, you're gross!" He looks back at a bewildered you, and rolls eyes. "Neil Armstrong was the first man ever to step on the moon. So if Hye's the moon..."

"Oh, wow. You two are a very unique couple." You fake vomiting sounds, and the boy with glasses smirks. Even Saeran seems more relaxed now, so you take his hand, sweeping him along.

"Let's go dressing you up!"

 

"You...You think I look cute?"

You clap your hands, noding and staring at your good job. Saeran sits on the sink, dressed in black and wearing a cat headband, crossing his arms while looking down. You used eyeliner on his face, so his eyes are underlined and he has a nose and whiskers painted. His actual ears are red from embarassment.

"You are the most adorable sexy cat I ever saw, Saeran."

"Cats are not sexy." He finally gives him a look at the mirror and, heavy sighing, pats your head once, leaving his hand on top of your hair. "We kind of look great."

"We gonna kill it tonight!" You can help but laughing at a dubious but low key excited Saeran. You love that part of him; there's so many things he missed and so many things he's too afraid to try.

"You sure I look okay?" 

"Don't be dumb." Killing the distance between both your bodies, you search for his mouth, giving him a small kiss. "You're so hot. I can barely restrain myself."

"Then don't." His voice has somewhat changed; now is kind of a husky whisper. The boy places his hands on your low back and turns you arround, raising you so you can sit on the sink. "Now that I think about it... you look sexy on that tiny disguise."

You giggle, pulling your head back as he plays with your neck, licking and bitting. He's on Unknown mode, and you won't complain. 

"I. Wanna. Rip. It." He tries to leak his hands under your costume, wanting to reach your skin. When he finally finds a zipper he lowers it, leaving you almost naked and with a newly growing and burning desire arising from your insides.

"Saeran, it's almost time to-" You can't continue because now he's dangerously close to your panties, sending shiverings all over your spine. Fuck time, you think.

"Fuck time." His lips tickles on your skin, and you tangle your thin fingers on his hair, urging him when he reaches your pubis. "After all, I'm the cat. It's my duty to eat the mouse."

"Ah..."

But what it's good, doesn't last long. Both of you jump at Saeyoung knocking at the door and shouting.

"We're gonna be late! Get out!"

Saeran, squeezing his eyes, leans his forehead on your belly. "Remember me why I must not kill him."

"He's your brother and you love him. I guess. Maybe you don't love him that much." You mutter, grumpy, helping your lover to stand up and swiflty dressing up again.

"Damned Saeyoung." The ginger head fixes his headband and looks at you, his eyes mischievously sparkling at you. "But that's not over, sweetie."

You laugh, enarching an eyebrow. Time to play, you guess.

"I'll be waiting, kitten."

And having said so, you open the door and walk out, moving your waist as much as you can, leaving behind a lost Saeyoung and a turned on cat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO END LIKE THIS DAMN IT  
> Tell me if you want the second part of it! It would be nice... and full of sins lmao I can't with myself


	22. Break

Dear readers;  
I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry. I was just so busy with uni and work, and I couldn't find the right time to write. Let me know if there's someone that still wants this fic to be continued (even though I'll continue it anyway hahaha)  
Thank you for your patience <3  
The writer.


	23. Birth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter's name says it all so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for the quick answers at my previous post (explaining why I took that break and all). You are too much, seriously. I don't deserve you <3 SO, seeing that some people would still read this fic, I'm determined to continue until the end. At least, expect a few more chapters lmao.  
> As always, I would love it if you left a comment expresing your thoughts on the chapter or whatever you want to say. Your appreciation means a lot to me.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> See you next chapter!

"Damn it, (y/n)!"

You roll eyes at your husband, whose eyes angrily stare at your face from the seat next to the white bed.

"You're not helping, Saeran." Gasping at a new contraction and earning an small grunt from the boy, you touch your bulky stomach. "C'mon, little ones, don't make mama suffer. Hurry up."

"They would already be out if you had listened to me for once." He mutters and, standing up, starts to stroll arround the big room. "I told you to get a C-section."

"But I don't want to have a C-section, damn it! Are you going to keep acting like a child? Oh-" This time you need to squeeze your eyes, even though it's useless; the pain's not fading. "That one was huge."

"Y-you need me to call the nurse?" He swiftly returns next to you, tightly holding your hand and his amber lights anxiously looking from your face to your stomach. It seems like his whole body is shaking, and for a moment you're afraid that he'll broke into pieces. His chest goes up and down faster than it should.  "There must be something I can do to relieve you, let me-"

"Saeran" Your voice is just a downcast whisper. You realize it now; seeing you in pain has brought him some  past memories he was willing to forget. He's having a panic attack. "Saeran, you need to get out."

"I won't leave you alone." He says it, but deep inside, you can see the child he once was is trying to run away.

"You have to. The nurse will call you when the babies are about to come." He blinks, his long lashes wipping away the tears that are starting to show on his eyes.

"But... I-I'm sorry..." 

"I love you." You caress his cheek, trying to put on the best smile you can. Damn it, it actually hurts. "And that's never changing."

"I love you too." He sobs and squeezes your hand, standing up, hesitantly. At last, and after an intense fight with himself, he lets go of you and, without looking back, he crosses the door.

**SAERAN'S POV**

What the hell's wrong with me? Furiously, I wipe away the tears that are willing to fall down. What am I? A cry-baby? A little child? Stupid, that's what I am.

"Is everything okay?" I look up to bump into Saeyoung's gaze. Oh right. They're all here. Jumin and Arya, Yoosung, Saeyoung, Hye and Jae. Even Zen has skipped practice today. And they are all (except an sleeping Jae, unawared of what's happening) looking at me, eyes narrowed and a shine of worry on them.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's okay... it's just, you know..."- Words won't get out of my mouth. I'm tired, and somehow, my chest hurts in a way I never knew it would. My wife (my light, my life, the only reason I find the strenght to breathe) is in pain, and the only thing I can do is watch. No, I'm not even watching; the only thing I can do is run away like the wolf from that story I used to read when I was a child. I failed, and that's everything I can think about. Would they understand? No, they won't.

"Is there something wrong with the room? I can make a call and she'll be changed right away." I let out an exhausted sigh at Jumin's question, but I just shake my head. His eyes swiftly go over from me to Arya, that's constantly looking at her watch. Oh, right. Jack, (named after Arya's grandfather) must be alone with some luxury nanny. Now I remember; Jumin has just returned from home, hasn't he? Then, why is she not with the baby? Damned girls, with their honor codes and everything.

"Hey, Arya, go with your baby. He's not even a month old. (Y/N) will be okay." She seems a tad relieved, so, after all, I was right. She wished to go. But she hesitates and focus her blue gaze on me. I lack the patience for that.

"Are you sure?" Fuck. What kind of question is that? Yeah, of course. Actually, I'm searching an excuse to kick out everyone on the room. I don't want them to notice how difficult is right now for my lungs to open and that everything arround is blurring. But I limit to nod and turn arround to confront Saeyoung. And to my great relief, he just shrugs, understanding, and points at the sit next to him. Hye stands up.

"I'll go inside. Don't worry; I'll take good care of her."

"T-thank you."

Once she enters the room and fills my place, an awkward silence sets up. Yosung is nervous as hell; instead of sitting, he goes up and down the corridor  muttering some strange words to himself; Zen is notoriously trying to find the words to cheer me up, but he's seemingly failing; Saeyoung has his gaze fixed on me, searching for any signs of a break down and Jumin, calm as always, looks from his phone to the clook on the wall. It's him that at last breaks the silence; clearing his troath, he looks at me, his cold eyes softening a bit.

"I was also scared when Jack was borned. It hurt to see Arya in pain. But it's worth every minute. You'll understand when you see your boys." So here it is. Empathy. The well-known _I've been here but look at me man, I'm all good._ What am I suppose to do now? I thank him, or I kneel and recognize his superiority as an alpha male?

"I... I don't know. But I'll try my best to..."

"Not feeling resentive? Nah, you won't." This time is Saeyoung talking, puting a hand on my knee. "It's all God will, you know? Kids... kids are truly a miracle." 

"Oh, shut up. Don't bring God here."  _God_... I'm too old (and maybe too damaged) to believe in something like that. A something in capitals invented to the great relief of people that are too afraid of facing the consequences of their actions. And if IT were to exists, what kind of ruler allows bad things to happen? I shake my head. "You should study some science, Saeyoung."

"I know the basics of science, you fool. But it's just... something else."

"Oh, shut up with the talk! You all are making me cringe" Zen grunts and stands up, and I look at him gratefully. At last some good words. "I'm going to have a smoke. You coming?"

Damn it. Of course I'd like to go, but... "I'll pass. (Y/N) would kill me. And I should wait here." Zen shrugs and, while he walks towards the door, Hye rushes in, a sweaty forehead and a big grin showing on her lips.

"...Saeran! Come, hurry up!"

What? Now?That's it, that's the moment? I struggle to  nod, but I don't move until I feel Saeyoung squeezing my shoulder. C'mon, Saeran, just a few steps... I can feel a mild dizziness taking over my whole body as I walk and follow Hye in. (Y/N) raises her head and smiles, breathing heavily.

"Hi again"

"H-Hi..." I approach her, wiping away the sweat from her forehead. I don't dare looking at the nurses running arround the room. I don't dare looking at anything that isn't the light on her honey-like eyes. "How you doing?"

"Oh, fine. Just pushing two babies away". I chuckle while the older nurse, a lady with white hair  tied in a pair of braids, sweetly scolds us.

"No talking. I can see the baby's head here, love birds. Just keep pushing, Darling"

The... head?Ugh... I mean... But I don't have much time to think. Everything becomes confusing in a moment. Screams, cheers, (y/n) hand strongly squeezing mine. And _something_ that the nurses hurry to take before it falls. _Something_ that moves its arms and open its mouth, tasting life for the first time. _Something,_ my child.

"Daddy, wanna take him?"

Before I can even nod, an smiling nurse offers me a bundle of blankets. My arms fit perfectly arround him, like If their  purpose on life had been all along holding this baby. In fact, everything seems to fall, at last, at its place. He's sleeping, but when my dubious fingers caress his soft skin, his eyelids open. And is in this moment, when my eyes full of scars meet his, overflowing innocence,  when I know that nothing else matters if I can keep them that way. My heart shrugs but, oh, it's nothing like I ever felt. Fight me, demons of the past, for I am completly disarmed. You'll find no soul, you'll find no heart. Everything I ever had, _everything_ , lies now on those little wrinkled hands.

The bubble I instantly entered and had no will to leave brokes with a desperate yet challenging yell. Another bundle, this time on Y/N arms. She cries and, as I approach them, raises his smiling eyes and sighs. I shake my head, not sure if my eyes will ever be dry again.

"Thank you, Y/N. Thank you."

 

**(y/n) Point of view**

"For how long have you been looking at me?" You shrug at his words and Saeran, letting out a clear laugh, dishevels (even more) your hair. "You're scary"

"Oh, it's adorable. You're drooling staring at the cot."

"Whatever" He smiles and turns his head again at the two babies. Hugging him from behind, you sit up and sigh, staring at the little boys. They're perfect. Their little faces are almost free of wrinkles and their hair, thin and short, is clearly going to turn red.

"Y/N, how can I be so happy?" Saeran strokes your hand, shaking his head. "I thought I was happy when we got married, but this... this is a whole new thing."

"I know, right?" One of the babies, the tenderly called "storm baby" for his tireless lungs, moves and sighs, frowning. You both laugh.

"I could stare at them for ages, jeez...Oh, right, Y/N" Saeran looks at you and pushes aside a lock of hair from his forehead. "What about the names? I thought about one, if you don't mind... Well, I'm not sure if you'll like it, but..."

"Oh, c'mon boy, spit it out! We can't keep calling them Storm and Stinky, right...?"

He rolls eyes, faking a pout. "You're not getting anything from me with that manners."

"Saeran!"

"Okay, okay." While he talks, his eyes shine with excitement. "The calm one, I thought we might call him Haneul. It means-"

"Sky. It's... it's perfect." He shots you an smile, a kind, pure innocent smile, and sighs.

"Wow, I'm really glad you like it. I was kinda afraid. And what about the other? Storm baby, I mean."

Oh, right. You hate deciding thing, but you came up with a pretty good name. Maybe.

"What about... Silas? It was my Dad's name and, I don't know, it kind of suits him?"

"Silas and Haneul... It's...different, but it sounds good."

  
"Yeah..."

"So, we are parents" You notice how he shivers while he says those words, and you tighten you embrace. He's not alone. He'll never be.

"Yes. We are a family."

"That means that we'll be together for like a long time, right? Like, forever?" He looks for your hand and frowns, and you laugh.

"Yes, forever. Now help me change those stinky diapers!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY A FEW NOTES  
> I'm sorry if I offend someone with Saeran's thoughts about God. I just don't feel like Saeran believes. We know his IQ is very high, and if we add his horrible past, the pain and his lack of hope, is absolutely imposible that he follows any kind of religion (And his eperience with Magenta, even though he was manipulated and druged, decreases even more the chances of him believing in God).  
> I myself I'm atheistic, but I respect every form of religion <3 (Not Saeran, though. He's a lil more harsh lol)


	25. First day of school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran and Y/N's kids start school. Just fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WASUUUUUUUUUUP  
> So I was playing Saeran's route (man, the feelings) and figured out I'm over sentimental over it and wanted to write fluff about them... then I remembered this fanfic. I KNOW, I KNOW, I LET YOU ALL DOWN but the story was more or least closed; I had (still have) in mind some little chapters, like this one right here, but I did not really feel like writing them; words won't came out the way I wanted and, to be honest, one of the things I dislike the most is feeling the obligation to write, as it's something that I like; I want to enjoy it at 100%. So now that I'm sad tha Saeran isn't real, I feel ready to write a little more.  
> Btw, whether you've been here from the beggining or you just discovered it and binge-read it, maybe you notice a change on my writing since the last chapter; the fact is that I've been living for a while with an american-french family so I speak english with them all the time, therefore, my use of english and vocabulary is way better. Also my writing style has improved since I read and writed quite a bit. In fact, I wish I could just re-write the whole thing hahahahaha (or maybe re-start it... another fanfic... I'll think about it).  
> ANYWAY, enjoy Saeran being happy and cute and cry with me. Hope you enjoy it, and of course, leave a comment so I can know your thoughts about it!

"Isn't it time to go pick them up?" Saeran asks for the fourth time in one hour, earning a glare from you. You really want to throw him a pillow right now.

"Honey, you've been asking the same question for a while now. You're going to get old in no time if you keep worrying like that." You pinch his cheeks, faking a very serious face. "Oh dear, I think I can already see some wrinkles over here..."

"Stop it!" He sighs and cuddles you up, burying his face on your hair. Then he mutters, his voice a mere whisper "Are you sure they're going to be okay? Maybe Silas will be fine, but Haneul... he's too kind, and too good...He's an easy target, he gets hurt easily, and I won't be able to-"

He can't keep talking as you raise your head to kiss him, just long enough to notice that his body relaxes and his breath is back to normal. Then, you place your forehead against his and caress his face. "They'll be fine. Maybe Silas is more of a leader, but Haneul makes everyone to love him. Also, they have each other. Have more trust on them, please..."

"I... I'll try."

You raise your eyebrows. He hasn't changed a bit; It's been five years since the twins were born, and he's still kind of an overprotective monster. But it's not easy for him, is it? All the pain he had to bear, all the dark he still carries... You sit on his lap, facing him, moving away the hair on his forehead. You got to distract him. "Maybe that'd make you more confident about them staying at Saeyoungs place from time to time... Then we can play a little bit..."

"Mmm, I don't know..."Once he recovers from the initial surprise, he starts to smile, eyes sparkling mischievously and his hand going all the way down until your lower back and up again until he intertwines his fingers with your hair. "Maybe you can show me how this game works?"

You chuckle and kiss him, both your breaths starting to go faster. His tongue, your lips, all your fingers... all  moves in perfect harmony, every single touch made to please the other body. Never have ocured to you that the passion is dying. On the contrary; now that you know every bunch of each other, every secret and every cry, the fire is stronger than before and it grows with love and intimacy, burning all your fears 'till ashes. He still shivers when he notices the sudden touch of your hand; you still melt at the sigh of his innocent smile. Nothing has changed, but your worlds are upside down; Nothing is the same, but the path remains untouched. As the days go by, slozly, you realise that this calm is what you were seeking for all your life; there's a strange but warm light on the quite things. But enough deep thoughts for nowm you think with a giggle; he's pushing you onto the couch and is starting to fight with your jumper.

"Maybe we have time for a roundm right? And maybe" He suddenly stops, letting out a grunt. "Oh, damn! Right on time!"

The baby is crying on the other room. Perfect. I sight, rolling my eyes. "No doubt she's our daughter... She's doing it on purpose, I'm sure of it."

"Yeah. I'll go get her" He looks down at you one more time before pushing his body up and leave, touching your hair as he passes by on his way to  the baby's room. In fact, you're not sure you can call her a baby anymore; Alya, your youngster, is already one year old. It's not long until Saeran comes back with the little read head kid, her hair all curled and disheveled from the nap, her head pressed against Saeran's chest. You smile, enjoying this view; he's such a good father. A handsome good father, if you're being honest. Sitting next to you, he lets out another sight.

"Maybe, just maybe, I'll thing about leaving them at Saeyoung's for a night...Just one... That was frustrating." He kisses her head and looks at you, frowning a little bit. "Do you think she heard us?"

"Jesus Christ, Saeran!" You finally get to hit him with a pillow. It's not the first time he asks that to you. It's really annoying. "She doesn't understand, anyway. Look at that." You level your eyes at hers, her hands raising to touch your face. "Hey love, your Dad and Mom were about to have sex right now, until you interrupted us. In fact-"

"Aaaand that's all" Saeran quickly places his hand on your mouth but can't help but bursting into laughs. "I don't want her to hear about sex, never. She's not allowed to"

"Oh, sure. We'll talk about it in 14 years, alright?"

"What? Just 14? Are you kidding me?" Now it's your turn to crack up; his face has suddenly become pretty serious. The alarm on your phone starts to ring and you stand up, still shaking your head. 

"Alright, alright. Is time to go!"

 

The school is full. Kids of all ages, running, crying, shouting in joy. Parents, patiently or not, trying to bring them home. Saerans raises his head, nervously, trying to catch a glimpse of the twins behind the teacher, who says godbye to a very busy mother.

"Daddy! Mommy!" Haneul is the first one to run to us, closely followed by Silas.

"Hey! My monkeys!" Saeran bends down to receive the kids, that jump on him and give him kisses.

"Daddy, there's so many things to explain! There's a big huge dinosaur in our class! It's alive at night'!" Silas is so excited and can't stay still; unlike Haneul, that has climbed onto Saerans arms, he runs to you. "Mommy, do you want to come tomorrow? There's loooooooot to do!"

"Maybe some other day, honey." You give him a kiss. "Was your day good, guys?"

"Yes it was!" This time is Haneul answering. He then lowers his  voice, kind of embarassed "It's not that I haven't missed you and Dad and Ayla... but it's so so cool..."

"Liar liar pants on fire. But it's okay to have fun without us, sweetheart" Saeran tickles him and puts him on the ground so he can run towards you.

"Choi family? Can I speak with you?" The teacher approaches you; she seems a little bit worried. You look at your husband, both frowning, and you nod. Saeran takes the word.

"Yes, of course. Is there something wrong with the kids? Did they have a hard time?"

"No, not at all... They've adapted perfectly. More than perfectly, must I say. How do I say it..." She seems to be having a hard time, so you help her a little bit.

"Are they behaving bad? Silas tends to be a little harsh sometimes, and he's so energetic..."

"No, no, not at all" she says, shaking her head. "They're angels! But... uh... How come they know how to multiply... and divisions?"

"Oh" Saeran burst into laughs, shaking his head. "This. Yeah, they read a book about maths and became a little obsessed. They learned almost everything that was in there... I'm sorry if that's a problem"

"Are you telling me... the kids learned maths just by... reading a book?" The teacher seems just about to faint, and you have to use all your will for not to crack you up. "I mean, thats... Wow. Kids on their class are still learning to count!"

"Yeah, we are awared that maybe they're a little different from the rest..." The woman raises her eyebrows, so you rush to add ": but we just wanted them to be normal!"

"I understand, but... I think there was a similar case in this school last year..."

"Yeah, that must be Jay. In fact, he is my nephew. He's learning advanced German now, which would be his six language. Clever kid, isn't he?"

"Okay, what don't we come over tomorrow morning and discuss about the kids options and posibilities?" You try to calm down the startled teacher as you tightly press Saeran's hand. He's troubling the teacher in purpose.

"Okay... Yes, that'd be great. So, uh, see you tomorrow!"

Luckily, she has to leave quick; a father is asking for her attention. As you start walking, you glare at your husband. "Saeran! What was that?"

"That? Nothing! What did I do?" Once he realises his fake innocence is not working on you, he places his arm on your shoulder, sighing. "Okay, okay. I wanted to play with her a little bit. But she was freaking out about our kids! I had to do something! It wasn't nice of her."

Haneul pulls your hand, his big amber-like eyes looking at you, a tad sad "Mom, did we do something wrong? That's why the teacher was speaking with you?"

"We did nothing I swear!" Silas rushes to say. "Haneul was super good and I only disobeyed once!"

"Oh, so you did disobey?" You dishevel his hair, laughing. Could you love them more?

"No worries, my monkeys, the teacher says that you two are amazing and super clever" the twins laugh at their fathers answer, half relieved and half proud. You and Saeran exchange a tender smile, and he claps his hands. "Now, who wants icecream?"

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'M A SINNER.  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH, IF YOU LIKED IT, HIT THE KUDO BUTTON AND A CAT WILL BE HAPPY <3


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